Am I wrong to question / feel uneasy about finances

[Pedaltoday]

Married for 4 years with 3 children and have been together 10 years. Have bought our forever home to renovate. Now we keep arguing about money. To clarify I am putting up about 30% of the money needed to renovate. All my life savings. Husband is putting up the other 60% and 10% borrowing from the bank. Husband has 3 times the savings as me , earns more than me and has the money for us not to borrow from the bank but he doesn’t want to use all his savings. My problem is when I say to him things like I would quite like this kitchen etc and he says we can’t have it and I say well you have the money for it it turns into a huge row. He has 3 times now thrown in my face that he’s putting in double what I am- and I only managed to save x amount.
when I tell him that I used my savings 3 times throughout my maternity leave to carry on paying my chunk of the bills and mortgage etc he can’t understand it. We pay I would say 60/40 split on everything like bills food eating out etc even though he does earn about 30k more than me. I can get a promotion easily but I do all the drop off, pick up , parties after school clubs etc and I have a full time job, he is self employed. If I got promoted we would need wrap around care etc.
my problem is is that I’m completely wiping my savings I will have nothing and he will be left with maybe about 70k in savings at the end. I don’t know why but it makes me nervous. Whenever I try to bring it up he thinks I’m ungrateful because I’m “only” putting in 30% of the money to renovate. I could easily match his if I hadn’t used it all in the maternity leave but I took a year off each time and each time I carried on paying my contributions even though for some of the maternity I earned nothing. I don’t really know how to go about the conversation , whether I am in fact being spoilt and his money is his money. An example is this weekend he worked because he can he’s self employed. That meant this weekend I attended 4 bday parties solo and done all the back to school bits etc on my own. I also have done all half term by myself

Divorce him and you'll get half his savings. See how he likes them apples.

You had to still pay the same on mat leave? Was he paying you for care of your joint child?? (No need to answer that.)

Sounds like financial abuse. I would be making plans to leave. Don’t spend your money on the house.

You are totally right to feel uneasy and question finances.

I am shocked you paid from your savings during maternity leave, he should have paid all the bills then as he was working then. You need to be more assertive now because this was a poor financial decision and if he is coercing you into paying more than your fair share, that is financial abuse.

He earns 3x what you do, so you should be paying 25% of costs and him 75%

40% you and 60% him, not fair, abusive.

30% you, 60% him and 10% debt, also not fair and abusive.

any period you are earning 0 due to maternity, or illness or loss of job, you guessed it, he pays 100%.

I would scale back the renovation it sound unaffordable.
You should never drain your savings to nothing.
He & you should not borrow money either.
You have a brain, when you say you want a certain kitchen and he points out it’s more money than the budget, the adult response isn’t to demand he drain all his savings too.
ALL renovations go over budget. You sound to be in the early stages. Even if everything goes to plan, most renovations will go between 10-20% over budget.

You guys need to cut your renovations in half at a minimum.

He is financially abusive.

This is unlikely to get better, but know that he is being unreasonable and you are not.

Best wishes x

But as you’re married isn’t (In the eyes of the Law) 50/50 anyway? So if you divorced you would get half of everything you sold and probably half his pension 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is appalling. You risked your health to carry joint children, took a hit on earnings and pension contributions to care for those children and also drained your savings to subsidise your DH so that he took literally no hit at all in this joint enterprise of having children? He “doesn’t understand” my arse. He sees you as a resource to be plundered whilst he plays the big man with his assets that he is acquiring at your expense.

Tell him you’ve reconsidered and that to compensate you for the hits you have taken you will no longer be contributing to the renovation.

I have read your other threads over the years. No advice to give really but sounds a very firey family life