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Waiting to start TTC - positivity!

8 replies

Sandalsandicecream · 31/05/2026 16:53

I'm in a completely wonderful relationship with someone who I truly believe is the right person to have children with. We are out of honeymoon stage now, and we work really well as a couple. But we haven't been together that long, and I know its not yet the right time to have children.
I'm at an age where my ovaries are very loud and ready, and lots and lots of friends pregnant right now, so plenty of reminders there too. I know rationally that its too early in my relationship, and I also am really enjoying being childfree and having lovely experiences with my partner. But its still hard waiting!! Would love to hear lots of positive experiences about why its good to wait until you are truly ready, building a good foundation, enjoying childfree life, and not comparing to others, etc. How long were you together before you had children? Thank you xx

OP posts:
Loloblue · 31/05/2026 16:55

I am in the same boat but I froze eggs which takes the pressure off (before I met him). Following for interest!

Jellyofftheplate · 31/05/2026 16:55

How old are you? How long have you been together?

I'd been with my partner 2.5 years and I was 31 when we decided to start TTC.

Peonies12 · 31/05/2026 16:56

We were together 13 years before our daughter came. There are lots of pros - we know each other inside out, weve done so much together. But there are cons, we have found the adjustment hard to not being just us! I definitely think you need to be together a few years including living together and ideally married.

Sandalsandicecream · 31/05/2026 17:02

I'm 30. I know its still young, but definitely an age where it becomes hard to not think about!

OP posts:
Topjoe19 · 31/05/2026 17:04

I was married & pregnant within 3 years of meeting my DH. I was 33 when we met. I just knew early on with him.

Jellyofftheplate · 31/05/2026 18:47

Sandalsandicecream · 31/05/2026 17:02

I'm 30. I know its still young, but definitely an age where it becomes hard to not think about!

Edited

It's definitely relevant. I also feel that if you're living together and have been together a couple of years then go for it. Just don't crush down any niggles of issues as they will bite you in the butt ten fold once you have kids.

mindutopia · 01/06/2026 09:24

How long is not long? A year is different to 3 years is different to 5 years. The thing about the pre-children years of your relationship is that these are the foundation to everything else. The time and effort you put in now is the investment to everything that will come in the future.

Fwiw, Dh and I were together 4.5 when our first was born. I was 32 and she was carefully planned for a career break for me, hence the timing. My 2nd was born at 37, also carefully and intentionally planned.

You also never get this time back. And it won’t be anything like this again until dare I say your children (all of them, not just the first one) move out and are living independently. So no weekends away just the two of you, no dinners out every week, no lie ins, no sex regularly and spontaneously for a good 20-25 years.

Now yes, you will go to dinner together alone again, but it won’t be regularly and it will require military precision to organise and possibly cost you £12 a hour in a babysitter. Having a child isn’t fun. That’s not to say it isn’t lovely. Mine are 8 & 13 and I am very grateful for them and Dh and I have a solid and happy marriage. But there is pretty much never a time when I had young children when I was like wow, this is so much more fun than those years when we had lie ins and read in bed with coffee and hiked 15 miles and went to the pub and then out to the cinema on a Saturday. I’m glad we have a family, but I wouldn’t call it fun. It’s something our relationship is solid enough to withstand and our kids are lovely and wonderful.

There will be time. If your fertility is good, it won’t matter waiting a few years. If it isn’t, it’s going to be hard anyway, so wait and enjoy these easy years now. There is no need to rush headlong into years when you barely see each other or speak as you had a screaming toddler off between you and rush out the door. It’s not all cutesy clothes like in the movies. It’s genuinely hard work and your relationship and your own needs go on the back burner for the best part of a decade.

It does come back and get easier, if you’re still together (which probably 50% aren’t). But do not waste these years because this is the battery you charge to get you through until you come out the other side. But make the most of it. Dh and I went travelling in Asia. We are ate at all the restaurants. We had lazy days. We spent a lot of time together planning our life, talking about our values, long term goals. We really put the time in and it’s paid off.

Sandalsandicecream · 01/06/2026 21:04

mindutopia · 01/06/2026 09:24

How long is not long? A year is different to 3 years is different to 5 years. The thing about the pre-children years of your relationship is that these are the foundation to everything else. The time and effort you put in now is the investment to everything that will come in the future.

Fwiw, Dh and I were together 4.5 when our first was born. I was 32 and she was carefully planned for a career break for me, hence the timing. My 2nd was born at 37, also carefully and intentionally planned.

You also never get this time back. And it won’t be anything like this again until dare I say your children (all of them, not just the first one) move out and are living independently. So no weekends away just the two of you, no dinners out every week, no lie ins, no sex regularly and spontaneously for a good 20-25 years.

Now yes, you will go to dinner together alone again, but it won’t be regularly and it will require military precision to organise and possibly cost you £12 a hour in a babysitter. Having a child isn’t fun. That’s not to say it isn’t lovely. Mine are 8 & 13 and I am very grateful for them and Dh and I have a solid and happy marriage. But there is pretty much never a time when I had young children when I was like wow, this is so much more fun than those years when we had lie ins and read in bed with coffee and hiked 15 miles and went to the pub and then out to the cinema on a Saturday. I’m glad we have a family, but I wouldn’t call it fun. It’s something our relationship is solid enough to withstand and our kids are lovely and wonderful.

There will be time. If your fertility is good, it won’t matter waiting a few years. If it isn’t, it’s going to be hard anyway, so wait and enjoy these easy years now. There is no need to rush headlong into years when you barely see each other or speak as you had a screaming toddler off between you and rush out the door. It’s not all cutesy clothes like in the movies. It’s genuinely hard work and your relationship and your own needs go on the back burner for the best part of a decade.

It does come back and get easier, if you’re still together (which probably 50% aren’t). But do not waste these years because this is the battery you charge to get you through until you come out the other side. But make the most of it. Dh and I went travelling in Asia. We are ate at all the restaurants. We had lazy days. We spent a lot of time together planning our life, talking about our values, long term goals. We really put the time in and it’s paid off.

Edited

"this is the battery you charge to get you through until you come out the other side"

Thank you for taking the time to share your experience. This was exactly the perspective shift I was looking for, thank you.

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