I would love some outside/unbiased opinions.
I (32F) am married ( he\s a 47 Male). We are from different countries (I'm from the UK, he's Egyptian) so there may be some cultural differences here.
Basically, since having a child I feel our marriage has completely disintegrated. Before marriage, we had a fun, silly type of marriage. Lots of messing around, jokes, playful type of interactions. Since our child came, it's like my husband hasn't moved to the next stage of life. There was so many issues initially (mainly with who did what regarding care) a lot of this could be cultural. But I basically felt very alone. He moved into our spare room. I did every single night feed and wake all alone. I was a SAHM for 2.5 years and I'm sure I had PPD which wasn't helped by his complete inabiltiy to be supportive. Even things like, when he got home I would try and speak with him (first adult I've spoken with all day) and he's literally turn his back on me mid conversation. He'd say he couldn't concentrate when our daughter was there, but even when she wasn't there he'd do the same. He wouldn't initiate conversations or anything like that. He'd go out all the time to watch football with friends or just alone. We seemed to drift very very far apart. We're expats, so when I went home to see family he'd stay in the country (tbf money was tight) and barely call/message at all. When i'd return (after around 8 weeks of leave) he'd go out that same evening with friends. Once I started working I wanted to work together to save for a future (a house in the UK, pensions, retirement ect). He had zero interest in doing this, and even said numerous times why does he need to save - he's spent his life working hard and basically doesn't need to (he has a family home in Egypt and a flat with his sister so is somewhat set up.) He'd hate having any type of conversation about our future (always defensive) and would say that I worry too much ect ect. I really don't - I just enjoy the idea of discussing it and making some sort of plan - especially regarding a pension cos we aren't paying into NI atm. We do not seem to be able to have a conversation about anything - he has very little interest in talking and doesn't seem to be able to dicuss ideas or even silly things like what we'd do if we won the lottery. The only time we can talk at length is if its about politics or football (his interests) and basically its a monolouge. He's kind in many ways (makes me tea, never cruel or vicisous with words). Alongside this, there's his slightly disrespectful engagement with other women. He has a very flirty personality and I think often gives off the wrong vibe to other women. We've had issues before where women are meesaging him to vent their issues, jumping on his back in photos, he's giving some women lifts alone. All of this on it's own maybe doesn't sound that bad, but it's unfair because he would go absoultely mad if I did anything likw that with a man. And then ties with the fact that we are so distant makes it feel worse somehow - like he puts energy into these meaningless coversations rather than working with me to improve our marriage. Recently, he got out of our bed at 1am to message a women on instagram - silly messages about football but still. Recently, there was a similar incident when he was being a bit too familiiar with a , young single women and his sports team. I expressed my upset and he agreed and said he undertood and would stop. I know have definite prood he's deleted messages from her (and they were in arabic so I don't know wha they said). And finally, we have only had sex once in nearly 4 years. There were som issues after childbirth but he has not seemed bothered about not doing it - his reason is he doesn't want to pressure me if my body is sore ect.
I;m on the brink of leaving but I just can't seem to get anything right in my head. One minute I feel like I should leave, and then the next I thinj maybe I;m making things more worse in my head. I dont know what to do.