When did you realise DH not attracted anymore

[LetMeHearIt]

There was a moment tonight that it just clicked for me.

Had been tough getting the kids to bed, once down I went for a cuddle. He immediately tried for more.

I said no, I want a minute. And that’s it, lost his attention. I tried a bit of polite conversation but he was clearly not listening.

So I tried to understand, kiss him and touch and make it fun while I asked how he feels about our current intimacy. I know it’s not great with a young baby.

DH got so angry at me asking, real anger. I explained that I know I look different but we’ve had two breastfed kids, I still love him. He didn’t have a single kind thing to say. It was hours ago but I can’t sleep thinking that it’s over

He immediately tried for more.

That's a sign he's attracted to you?
You rejected him (for your own good reasons). He feels Fear Of Abandonment and hides it under a protective shield of Anger.

This is not a sign a relationship is over but a sign of two Insecurely Attached individuals who need to communicate more skillfully and self soothe.

Why were you drawing attention to the changes in your body? They obviously don’t bother him or he wouldn’t have been ‘trying for more’?

So I tried to understand, kiss him and touch and make it fun while I asked how he feels about our current intimacy.

I'm not sure that talking about intimacy is the right thing to do in the middle of being intimate!!!

I think your DH was getting mixed signals. It's you had ONLY said, can we slow it down a bit, I'm sure he would have been fine. But you basically rejected him, had polite conversation, and then went in for kisses and then started talking about how you feel about your body. Not saying he reacted in the perfect way, but I can see where he was coming from - just frustrated and not sure what's going on.

You do sound v insecure OP, and it's having an effect on your marriage, probably more than the other things you're worried about.

How can asking him how he feels about the lack of intimacy in your marriage, be fun?

He doesn't understand that you're knackered and don't want sex immediately after putting the children to bed. Maybe he's a total knob. Maybe (both?) your communication skills are shyte. Who knows

Get some couples counselling