Issues with parents

[Sugarsnapfairy]

My dad has always been challenging. He didn't give me away when I got married. He's always blamed social anxiety and his profound deafness. Of note, I found him a CBT therapist prior to our wedding, that he declined.
My now teenaged son is saying he doesn't feel comfortable visiting my mum and dads because "grandad doesn't speak with him". My own, reasonable head says he's deaf and anxious. The defensive mother in me says my son is right. It makes me so sad though. I know my dad loves the grandchildren, but im also aware of when he wasn't there for me and didn't even try. I feel bad bringing this up with my 82 year old mother, who makes it clear that my dad's behaviour impacts her too.

F

Why would you bring it up with your mother? If you're going to address it, you need to talk to your father.

How does your dad communicate with other people? Lip reading, sign language? Has his family learned to sign?

He has refused to learn to sign. I have offered that we all learn.
He very rarely goes out, sp communication with others isn't too much of an issue.
He has hearing aids, which give limited hearing, but takes them in and out at will, normally out.....

Has he been profoundly deaf all his life, or is it recent? He must feel terribly isolated.

It's sad about your DC but hard to see how they can communicate unless things change

I can see it's frustrating to deal with (and you might have compassion fatigue), but hearing aids can be uncomfortable so him taking them in and out at will isn’t necessarily him being awkward for the sake of it, which you seem to be implying.

Maybe he is an awkward old bugger 😁 but at his age he's not likely to change much.

I feel kind of sorry for him that he's let his social anxiety get in the way so much in his own life, but I can see it's been hurtful to you too.

You could have a word with him that he's making your son feel uncomfortable and he might try harder.