Hi, im not sure if I want advice on this or just want to get it off my chest. I am in a dead marriage. By that I mean my OH has completely withdrawn from it, but without articulating any reason(s), even when asked. First it was the social side in terms of doing things together / date nights etc. I remember having to go to dinner parties or nights out alone, really lousy. And now for years we very rarely do anything together - not even special occasions like valentines / anniversary will produce any effort or interest. Lost count of how many times I made suggestions, to get KBd. I could not recall any suggestion / ideas from then, going back many years. On the other hand we sometimes still do stuff for family birthdays, so its clearly the former relationship which was the issue. Then it was the intimacy. - it was never anything to write home about, nor particularly frequent, but it made me feel close to them and so that for worthwhile for me, at least. Its been nearly 6 years since we slept together, yet we are still only in our 40s. I realise there will obviously be a time when any partner / person feels they no longer have any interest in sex, but I would have thought it to be a bit older than in your 40s. I am pretty young at heart - still consider myself young in general - and so I find it particularly difficult, to live as if we are very elderly. A few years ago, I raised the fact that I felt very lonely and wanted to understand why things seemed in a rut and wanted to work to improve things. OH didnt offer so much as a syllable in response, though they did use that time to announce no sex going forward. They said this "might help" though not what with. I think I have been kidding myself on for a few years now, hoping / thinking things will somehow get better, though its hard to fix things if you dont know what the problem is. Its only recently I have really realised just how poorly I feel I am being treated. Imagine telling your partner you are lonely, to get no response. Imagine suggesting a valentines dinner, to be told "no". Its really sh*t isnt it? very humiliating. We have kids and so is this it, do I just need to tolerate this until they have grown up ./ left home? I wouldn't ever inflict a broken home on them. Our home circumstances are mostly amicable - OH and I are actually quite a good team wrt work, chores, childcare etc - except that there is no relationship at all and we are just housemates / co-parents. However, I do not think OH enjoys family life and is not cut out for it. Judging by not infrequent moaning and occasional conflict with older kids. Yes, its busy and tiring, but also rewarding / satisfying. OH has the demeanour of someone who is down a coal mine 12 hrs a day, 6 days a week, yet in reality works only part time and has a long weekend, every weekend. As OH has withdrawn in these ways I have mentioned, so ultimately too have i - and I am now often cold towards them. OH still does bedtime / goodbye kisses et - why, I dont know -, but its meaningless to me. Stuff like hugs, holding hands etc is a vague memory. I dont really want to be here, in truth. OH has become the most boring person I know and adds nothing to my life. But as I say, the kids and their welfare come first, so I wont blow up their happy world. I find lots of consolation in the kids, of course, and so still have a great source of happiness. A marriage is a living thing and needs to be nurtured - im not saying I am perfect, but OH simply hasnt done that. Its like anything else, what you get out is a reflection of what you put in. This valentines I spent a lot on card/gifts etc, to get a sub-£1 supermarket card in return. Its not the value thats important, and I dont give just to receive, but I think that disparity is the perfect example of our contrasting interest and effort levels wrt our former relationship. I am positive there is no affair in play (for one thing, like everything else, it would be too much effort for OH) its just that they seem to take pleasure in nothing and resent everything, which is obv incompatible with family life where its about give and take and putting others first. The one thing they seem to enjoy is watching rubbish on TV. Im not really inclined to try to speak about it again, I feel I was treated badly and humiliated last time after opening up to get nothing in response. I am someone who would have done anything to make a marriage work, but it needs both parties to be interested. So thats it. Can anyone relate to this situation,from either perspective? Thanks.