Man child

[Timeislimited]

Probably more venting than anything but if anyone has a husband who is similar then please advise how you handle certain situations.
Basically my husband is a wimp ( and I really don’t know how to say that kinder) any slight cut or bruise or minor injury and he’s whinging for days about it! I can’t challenge him on it as he just says I lack sympathy for him or anyone or I can’t let people be hurt 🤷‍♀️ In my eyes tho if I get a cut, I acknowledge it once that it hurts and then move on and forget about it! But him he goes on and on about it for days and a slight knock to his leg that’s he’s got currently has got him hobbling so badly I can’t even take him seriously. He just starts moaning about it constantly and saying how much pain he is in and it’s all he can focus on, he’s also like this with the kids so if they hurt themselves he really over exaggerates so I have to be the tough one to say oh you’ll be fine, let’s get you cleaned up, no harm done etc… whilst he’s panicking shall we take the to a&e.
It’s a difficult one to approach though because if I bring it up with him he gets super defensive and starts throwing insults at me saying I’m the one with the problem because I don’t know how to love or empathise. But I am struggling to be around someone who is basically a child. Anyone got a husband out there who’s similar?

My ex husband was a bit like that.

According to the children, he's even worse now.

He complete lack of resilience in any mildly adverse situation is one of the reasons we split up.

How unattractive! Tell him to channel Ant Middleton.

Has he got a mummy you can send him back to?

Tell him to 'take some paracetamol and ibuprofen. If that doesn't work go and buy some otc codeine. And take that. Until you do at least try and medicate your own suffering I'm not interested in hearing about it'

How unattractive.

My kids are adults now but they've never let DH forget his behaviour when he got a splinter, they were about 7/8 at the time ... and he described it as excruciating.
Even at that age they knew that kind of language was reserved for serious stuff, like being run over or kidney stones.

I wouldn't suggest that!! He's a complete tool!

Sounds like one of those kids that needed a plaster for over a week for a slight scratch whilst his mum pandered to his every whinge.

I genuinely don't know, OP. It's your call whether you think he will ever be able to change (and it sounds like he doesn't even want to change), and whether you can live with it.

People have different pain thresholds. But there are ways of at least trying to cope. I've got a chronic condition that causes pain but I attended a Pain Management Course to learn how to manage it better in my head as well as body, because that was important for my family's sake as well as my own. Your husband needs to want to change. Do you think he does? Doesn't sound like it.

I did. Now an ex. It’s so unattractive, and all the more once you have actual children.

Venting is all very well but the issue ie him remains.

Why are you with him at all, a man who is all too ready to throw insults at you?. HE is the one who does not know how to love or empathise, he’s basically projecting onto you. It will do both you and the d.c no favours whatsoever to remain with someone like him for your own reasons.

Yup, and it's daft to see it in a grown human. He's looking for an emotional reward that the OP's never going to give him, yet he's just not learning. Most people grow out of it. Those that don't end up being a bit noticeable, especially if they're supposed to be modelling healthy behaviour to children.

Presumably most people when becoming adults learn to seek (and actually prefer) different emotional rewards than the 'mummy's brave little soldier' routine?

I had to remind my husband and constantly still do that achy muscles after some form of exercise doesn’t represent ill health. It drives me nuts!

Yeah, i ended a relationship due to similar situation. It was more illness with him, but it just got worse and worse, demanding massive sympathy and babying for very minor illnesses or injuries and then even seeming to feign illness and symptoms for sympathy and attention. The more I didn’t / couldn’t give it and tried to reason with him, the more he craved a kind of unconditional OTT sympathy that I just don’t have in me to give in those circumstances. It was a fundamental mismatch - he needed something I couldn’t give, I was honestly repelled by what he needed, it was a massive relief to end the relationship. If you don’t want to do that, I’d try to push for relationship counselling, as he doesn’t currently see there’s any issue with how he’s behaving.

You say you are just venting but have you ever questioned why you are still with someone who is ‘basically a child’? That would be an absolute turn off for me.

So deeply unattractive. Instant ick.

It does make me wonder though how little ACTUAL adversity they have in their lives with some of the minor shit they perceive as really painful/bad and bang on about at great length about.

I remember an ex on holiday whingeing and whining about ONE mosquito bite. It was in the early days of our relationship and boy, should I have watched and learned. He moans more about minor ailments than I did about cancer. Genuinely. And also talking about how hard his life is when he encounters the usual slight complications of life. Everyday stuff. Telling me (at enormous, ongoing and really fucking miserable whiney length) about it.

I remember on one occasion, when I was dealing with work, children, ill health telling him it was his turn to be the man because I was sick of it. He was mega insulted. But it was so true. Grow some fucking balls.

I couldn’t deal with that. Has he ever been really ill or injured that he lacks perspective about a little scratch? What’s he like when you’ve been ill, pregnant, in labour, post partum etc? Is it general drama over anyone having anything wrong or just him and the kids? It sounds exhausting and wearing.

What happens if you completely ignore him ?

reading your Feb thread, this is the least of your problem with him

Let me guess he is always better when he wants sex and sulks if you say no.

Please, don't misunderstand me, not trying to be insulting, but why would anyone marry a guy like that? Did this not bother you to this level before? Or was this not apparent before the wedding? Puzzling to me.

These types of people make me cringe, YANBU, when they start up I ask if they've done xyz to help, normal things adults should do in the circumstances and invaribly they haven't so I just say perhaps you should and then ignore them.