Should I ask my wife if she is drifting away from me?

[Stad86]

I’m concerned something is wrong , my wife and I have been married for 8 years and over the last year or so she’s really been telling me how I’m different to other guys and how she tells me a lot about how the guys at the gym behave etc.

I am a bit quirky , I’m autistic and I do struggle to mask it at home as it’s exhausting but she used to accept me for who I am but now it seems it’s wearing thin. Iv recently sold my buisness and it seems like since then she’s drifted away from me at a time when it should be exiting in our late 30’s.

Im not sure what to do to win her back, it feels like since I sold she’s out more and spending less time with me than ever.

I am really bad at reading things but even I can see she’s more interested in others than she is in me.

should I ask her what’s going on?

it sounds like she is just not considering the impact of her words. I doubt she realises. y son (also autistic) has had girlfriends who wished he was more ‘normal’ as he looks the part and outwardly masks well, but as you say, it’s exhausting.

I also have the talk about feelings arrangement with partner of 25 years - it took him a few years to realise I wasn’t making it up and I have also learnt to ask how he is feeling and he replies honestly a as he knows I can’t read him emotionally, although i care deeply for him.

It’s worth pointing out to her that a people and feelings type of person in the gym is unlikely to have created a business and sold it, enabling retirement by their late 30’s. No one can be everything. As the old saying goes, without autistic people the human race would probably still be stood about chatting in caves :-)
as for normal guys being more exciting - having had relationships with so called normal and exciting guys, give me an introverted well meaning kind hearted engineer phenotype any day !

lf the sexes were reversed, I suspect you’d immediately jump to cheating.

SnappyUmberLion

If the sexes were reversed, I suspect you’d immediately jump to cheating
I never jump to cheating, I think it’s unfair to someone who can’t defend themselves

Ok so stop using this website if we're all misandrist hypocrites and it bothers you so much 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

I really hope this isn’t the case. Have you ever considered specialist couples counselling.

You have to choose carefully as with many counsellors claiming to have knowledge of ASD they tend to blame everything on the autism when quite often it’s at least 6 of one and half a dozen of the other.
also FWIW being less serious when unmasked is the whole point isn’t it?! As another poster said, you need to feel safe to unmask around your partner, whether that’s being daft or rocking in the corner under a blanket.

Update , I finished work early today and we sat down and spoke

although it’s not a guy from the gym she’s developed feelings for someone else and has enjoyed the flirting via text and meeting up a few times for coffee

she said she’s been enjoying the thrill of it but does regret her choices

i am quite shocked she just came out and said it to be honest , not quite sure what the next step is as I need to digest this new information now

she seems very aware of the lump sum she’d be entitled to if she left and I think that’s something they have spoken about as it’s been mentioned this evening although not directly

it’s not the first time Iv been someone’s meal ticket to happiness so I think I just need to be more careful

I’m in shock really, I thought this would be forever and Iv given everything I have to her , Iv supported her in every way I know how and tried to be the best person I can for her

Really sorry @Stad86 what a shock for you. Take good care 💐