Think my husband's involved in fraud...

[stirling]

And I feel sick to the pit of my stomach.

Name changed for this. This is very much related to his mother, who is an utter criminal. Please bear with me, its a bit long...
Basically, been married 4 years, 2 dc. Was very reluctant to marry him as he was always up to his neck in debts, blacklisted and well I wanted a family and stability. In the end he got a job and we both worked very hard to pay off his debts. We were never able to get a mortgage, we are now living in a tiny flat that every member of my family and extended family have loaned us the money for.

His mother, is awful. A couple of years ago she got herself £120k in debt. Thats credit cards, store cards...all of the money gets spent on 'designer' clothing and she is constantly scorning me for the 'cheap' clothes I wear.
My DH helped her pull a scam with a dodgy solicitor whereby they claimed she was mentally ill, and unable to pay the companies back, so she now has a settlement to pay about £10 per month towards the total amount. This was preceeded by a mad shopping spree where she spent thousands of pounds in EACH store exhausting the limit on each card. It was disgusting to watch.

A few months ago she was caught out for commiting benefit fraud (she was working but claiming 'disability benefit' - the disability being that she is depressed, she's not)

A couple of weeks ago she was hit by a bus. The truth is, she NEVER looks before she crosses the road. My DH and I have argued over the years because I would never allow her to take my DC out as I had seen her pushing the pram into the road without looking, and walking with her alone seen her many times just walking into the road.
Now, she has been hit by a bus...obviously because as per usual she wasnt looking..and needless to say: IS MAKING A CLAIM FOR COMPENSATION!
And the saddest thing is that Ive found out (he is denying it) that my DH is helping her.

Im posting because I dont know what to do or how to feel about being married to this man and his awful family.
I feel terrible for the poor bus driver who is going to probably be out of a job because this vile woman is going to pull yet another scam.
I might post this in legal too.
ANy advice??? Sorry so long
thankyou for reading

yes she is trashing her daughter's record too.
Wannabe she is not THAT badly hurt: fractured wrist, knee and pelvis. Already moving about on her own -its been 2 weeks.

How is my marriage? At times, fantastic. He is exceptionally kind to me, always at home with me every evening, is very romantic, generally gentle, and unbelievably helpful around the house. He is head over heels in love with his children, well..son at least. He always says that all he wants is to be happy with me, and he ALWAYs tries to resolves conflicts.

But, I dont trust him. He has lied to me about women before we married,and that has made me nervous. and though I never was able to prove it, I suspected some dishonesty. Last year I went through a crisis whilst I was pregnant with a stunning 'colleague' of his at work where I believe he lied to me. I dont think an affair actually materialised but I think it was heading that way.
The way he looks at attractive women is with a worrying appetite -the sort of look that a single man would give out, not a happily married man. Its as if he is constantly on the look out for attractive women. But he is always with me, so that could be me worrying needlessly.

His reaction to my accusation of his mother and him commiting fraud re:bus accident was quite violent. He just went mad. He said some horrific unforgivable irrelevant things to hurt me, and maintained that as a family member he has every right to see the police report.

tricky. i think you have to differentiate what you feel angry about - her behaviour - which is not your responsibility, or your relationship with your dh and how you feel about his divided loyalties

Re: the mental illness. A close family member of mine was diagnosed with bi-polar and one of the symptoms of that is being really irresponsible with money. My relative racked up huge credit card debts on pointless crap. Has she ever seen a psychiatrist?

What nationality is he, Stirling? I'm not sure that's been mentioned on the thread.

"My DH helped her pull a scam..."
I think you have your answer don't you?
I think that if someone is CAPABLE of dishonesty (or cheating, whatever) they WILL do it to you.

Sorry, but if he is not honest, then he cannot be trusted.

Doesn't matter what his mum does - just a smokescreen

he is macedonian...but of turkish origin