Struggling with social services, diagnosis questions and contact with my children

[ByRealRedSeal]

Social services have continiously made my lofe hell by not seeing how ill i was as a child, teenager. As an adult it got worse. It nearly killed me being anorexic and starving myself because my body is vomiting or abdominal pain. It nearly drove me berserk being ignored and told i was faking my health. I spent 28 years questioning my health. I have lost children in court becuade of donestic violence but at the same time that didnt stop any professionals writing up about how "crazy i am". Throwing up and pooing my pants with elephant poos is aparently ok to suffer with but social services chucking me through all these mental health assements is the new fashion and the new thing everyone has to do. I was bullied and bellitled into believing i have Borderline personality disorder at the same time as my small family removed from me. I got told by friends im showing signs of adhd. Ive recently gone for an AdHD test. They saaid I might be showing signs of autism.
So which one is it??? Autism?? Bpd?? Adhd??? Or am i just so angry and blowing a gasket because no one has even been inteligent enough to take my health seriously.

Makes me hurt so much inside. Its broken my heart so much, guilt of losing my babies has been eating away at me for years.

I feel like i've been treated like a child beating crap mother when my issues were just neglected. Protect the children at all costs, turn the parents minds into mush so they basically give up.

If my health had mattered it woild have been fixed a long time ago. I feel like this was meant to happen.

Social services are trying to make me believe im a good parent, that the kids love me, they do want to see me. I feel disconnected and dofferently now about all this. Its not that I dont want to be around them. My head has been made to believe that their were either going to be adpoted out, given to my family, god knows where.

I know there were alot of bad things going on at the time and i was suffering domestic violence and i wasnt with the right person.

My health wont go back to what it was, i cant run. Its taken a toll on my physical ability to move. I am losing my mobility not my marbles.

What did social services think was going to happen?? They cant reinvent my life to suit them, trash who i am and label me with whatever they want. I complained today about my endless journey of misdoagnosis.

They think they can tell me im a good parent how that my kids are 12 and 8??? They think they can tell me they are worried about me when this is a reality of my situation???? I didn't ask for 28 years of lies from medical professionals on how they dont care and how my illnesses areny worth diagnosing.

Who to do ask for support when im already in such a bad situation. How can I take care of my family and have them back when all this process has done is mess my head up and make me not want to engage with anyone???

Why was i blamed for loosing the koda into care, my ex partner was dearroying all the work i did with social to prove myself. I was able to walk back then.

I waiting for the day that im in a wheelchair. I still am ill and at the beginning of family court I had no tourettes syndrome and Seizures but by the end of it i did. The people that took my children witnessed me going through tourettes but by then the children were legally in fostercare with their FC. Why dont they stay with her??? What have i got to give the kids??? Nothing it feels.

It all eats me up inside each day.

I cant imagine being around or living with the children anymore. I'd love to be in their lives but i feel i should just remain seperated from them.

I dont know how to not think like this.

Has anyone else experimenting this??? I hope im not the only one........its such a scary place to be in at this time. My head is a shed, an utter heartbroken mess.

You've obviously been through a terrible time. Try not to put a lot of pressure on yourself in the immediate term. Is your GP/mental health nurse supportive?

Recieving good couselling only just started. Just frustrated i feel like this most of the time.

You’ve had a really rough time. Have you tried speaking to any charitable organisations to support you? I would highly recommend Pause.

https://www.pause.org.uk

You've done really well getting out of a domestic violence situation, it sounds like the progress is being recognised.

However, there's clearly a lot going on, can you focus on one thing and try to resolve it, perhaps the physical, bowel issues (if I'm reading it correctly that you were misdiagnosis anorexic but really had a vomitting/incontinence issue)?

The ADHD/ASD/BPD/MH is not something you can change as easily as getting a diagnosis and treatment for a bowel problem, so park it for now. It will be easier to tell once your physical health isn't draining you dry.

One thing at a time, maybe make a list, good luck.

There's too much going on for you to cope with.

Can you get on or increase antidepressants if not already on them. It sounds like medication is important to help you cope and feel calmer right now.

The Samaritans are good. I've called alot for myself. I relate and share some of your struggles too. Keep going with the counsellor.

You feel you're Autistic, so I believe this is what's going on, and it often over laps with ADHD and other things like tourettes can join the party. In your mind, go with that and further along with things, when you're feeling better, you can keep asking for a referral for a proper formal assessment for yourself via the GP( Apparently many women are told BPD when they're actually Autistic with ADHD or Autistic alone).

Ehlers Danlos Syndrome ( hyper mobile type) is genetically linked to ADHD and Autism. It can impact you everywhere. Some have nothing and don't notice, some have problems. The bowel stuff - that can be part of it. The bowels work too fast and you have loads of poo and then they can slow down and you have pain and constipation. The peristalsis it's called ( movement of food through bowels) is often erratic with EDS

It's very hard to get it looked into and diagnosed. You can ask GP to do a stool sample to check for inflammation in the stool.
Ref the kids - I would work toward accepting they may be best in another home while seeing you regularly. That takes the pressure off you, it gives them stability.

Please keep these men away and be alone with the children. You can be a good mum but not caring every day for them. You have to care for yourself right now.