Husband says he is a sex addict

[PollenCount14]

My husband recently told me he's a sex addict and he wants sex all the time. This is just something that's happened in the past couple of years since he turned 60. I'm 48 and have pretty much lost all interest in sex with him. Our relationship isn't great and we argue a lot which has an impact on how I think of him, plus I'm not physically attracted to him. I wake up really early most mornings with the bed shaking and him groaning watching porn on his phone and w*ing. Should I be disgusted at this or not? He says he does it several times a day. He's a big cannabis user, more so the last 5 years, and he's changed from how he used to be when we married. He still works, is responsible, gets things done etc but the sex addiction is something I'm not sure if I should be concerned about or not? I don't think he's been with anyone else, but I'm really having to force myself to have sex with him - I think I'm possibly going through the menopause. I seriously wondered about telling him to go out and find someone to sleep with whenever he needed to, so I could just get some peace and quiet, but that wouldn't be good for the relationship. We've been married for 21 years. Any advice please? Thanks.

If he's waking you up wanking then that's an issue in itself. He needs to take himself off elsewhere and leave you to rest. It's just bloody rude.

You sound like you have marital issues beyond his sexual appetite and would probably benefit from counselling regarding them in order to move forward.

Personally I'd leave a man I didn't like and didn't want to have sex with.

Just a thought – some types of dementia are characterised by hypersexuality, could this be possible?

Would being free to do what you like, without a wanker in your life, appeal to you?

You don’t have to stay married. Think of it as a nice 50th birthday present to yourself.

So suddenly he’s diagnosed himself as a “sex addict!”
If you two are not being regularly intimate enough for him, he’s going to use that as an excuse for going elsewhere cos you weren’t interested.
Frankly, I’d leave him. He sounds disrespectful & unpleasant.
Just line up your ducks & get the hell outa there.

Sounds like a porn addiction more than a sex addiction.

Waking you up because he’s lying in bed watching porn & wanking- no thanks.

Don’t force yourself to have sex if you don’t want to.

Yuk, how disgusting and disrespectful. Ducks in a row time @PollenCount14 , you don’t need this shit.

Yes. It is something to be worried about.

Neural pathways have formed in his brain that have programmed him to get a dopamine hit from watching, wanking then ejaculating.

The hit will lessen over time, so he will keep finding new (probably darker)porn, or start engaging with people live online, or start meeting people to get the same hit.

You can choose to tell him you no longer want a sexual relationship with him, and give him freedom to get his sex kicks elsewhere.

Or you can look at couples counselling to try to deal with it - you'll need a specialist.

I found The Partners Perspective from the author below a really helpful read to understand what went on in XH brain. Good luck.

www.paulahall.co.uk/books/

It's not the menopause turning you off. It's him. He's disgusting.

I'd either leave him (telling him exactly why - he's disgusting you) or at the bare minimum move into another bedroom and never have sex with him again. And again, tell him why.

Stupid fucking man. Turning a porn addiction into a medical problem.

Perhaps he should go to the GP about it and see how the doctor reacts.

Absolutely this. Why on earth would anyone stay?

Fucking grim bastard.

Stop having sex with him if you find him repulsive, you don't owe him sex at all.

Sorry but if this was me I'd be making plans to leave.

My concern would be early dementia/Parkinsonism given it has started relatively recently. He needs to see a doctor.

Has your husband had any new or changed medication over the last few years?

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/ce948d9gxevo?app-referrer=deep-link#:~:text=Typically%2C%20users%20had%20no%20history,classed%20as%20%22very%20common%22.

Not only a wanker but a dope-head as well. Ugh.🤑

I'd start making plans to leave this repellent specimen if I were you.

I think the age difference is really beginning to show. I speak from experience.
I know a lot of age gap marriages work but it’s clear here that you don’t want him physically any more.
It is very sad that a woman of 40’s would encourage a man of 60 to go elsewhere.
He doesn’t love you or respect you.
He is also punishing you.
He is a porn addict. How gross probably looking at girls young enough to be his granddaughter who have been abused and trafficked.
I don’t think there is anything left here for you. You have many years and decades to go.
Set yourself free.

Sometimes, I wish I never clicked and then actually read things that I read on here.

I want to put acid in my eyes now.

OP- he's gross. Porn is not normal or okay. It's damaging, as you can see from your own situation, and many like yours.

I don't know what advice I can give apart from leave him. I would vomit on him, daily.

Is this a new thing?

My late OH had Parkinson's Disease. A bit of an obsession with sex (though nothing like to this degree) was a feature.

Look up the symptoms and see if he has any of them - you do not have to be shaking like a leaf to have it.

He sounds utterly revolting

Very grim. I wouldn’t put up with that, I’d be leaving. I wouldn’t stand for his wanking and dope habits.

Developing addictions to sex and gambling are come in the very early onset of Parkinsons

Have you noticed any other personality changes? I'd be worried about some sort of neurological condition, early onset dementia, parkinsons or a brain tumour can all cause hypersexuality. If this is new behaviour, I'd probably try and get him an appointment with the GP.

Don't force yourself to have sex with him if you don't want to. He's not entitled to anything. Also, I'd be sleeping in another room so you don't have to put up with the porn and wanking 🤢

The change, relatively sudden over the last couple of years, it's concerning. As is his increased weed use. More worrying though is his apparent lack of inhibition, lack of respect and the total lack of communication in your relationship ...

I'm the same age as my husband, both of us approaching 60, my libido is a lot lower than his. But because he's not a pig / doesn't have any underlying neurological conditions, he quietly and privately sorts himself out (from what I understand at least once a day). He's always been like this. He's always had a study - even if that has sometimes meant we haven't had a sitting room when the children were all living at home because luckily we have a massive kitchen. The study has always been a non negotiable in our 35 years of marriage. He's never cheated. I have password access to all his devices.

Also, I know he would never describe it as an addiction, more a compulsion, that he's not enslaved by, and he would be utterly heartbroken if I felt I had to force myself to have sex with him.

Brilliant advice
nobody needs a wanker - quite literally!

My advice is never to have sex with him again, tell him straight how you feel, you've got a good reason to end it. Leave him. That's what I would do.

I don't understand why you're still with him. You're no longer compatible.

Yes could this be a possibility @PollenCount14?
Hyper sexuality can occur with fronto temporal dementia which tends to occur more in slightly younger people compared with Alzheimer’s.
Does your husband take any medication which has this listed as a side effect eg for Parkinson’s?

Or she can just leave him which given he sounds like a revolting dirty old bastard seems like the most sensible idea.