This man is bad for my mental health

[NintyNine2]

I’ve been seeing this man for about 3.5 months. I feel I am totally obsessed with him. I had liked him for years. I find him so attractive. We have been going on dates and round to each others house but I feel like he is bad for my mental health. I am always thinking about him. If he doesn’t read my messages or text back straight away I am a mess I am crying and can’t think straight. I need to end it but I can’t. I cant even think straight because of him. What would you do? If I end it I know I will miss him.

Have you been like this in other relationships? Maybe individual counselling would help identify triggers, and stop you obsessing, is that something you could look at?

You can end it. It may hurt for a while. But short message and block

i dont think I have been like this in other relationships, although haven’t really had any other relationships since divorce. I was considering therapy to see if that helps

I thought about this but then he hasn’t really
done anything wrong, it’s me.

But that’s still a perfectly valid reason to end a relationship that’s not working for you. It’s not making you happy. That’s the best possible reason to end it.

You’re clearly not in the right headspace to be dating at the moment, and should get your MH to a better place before embarking on another relationship.

Sounds like it is not him that is bad for your mental health, but you have mental health issues @NintyNine2 - I mean no disrespect by this, please, don't misunderstand me. He is not forcing you to be this obsessed with him, I believe, to start crying over not getting responses immediately is not really balanced, is it?

If you leave him (which you definitely can do, up to you), that does not solve the real issue, which is how you deal with the relationship in your own head. I would look for a professional to help you with your struggles. I hope it will happen, because it doesn't sound like a good way to be. And if I wanted to be brutally honest, I don't think he would stick around for long anyway, if things are like this.

I would end the relationship and then do what @exhaustDAD says and get some help with what sounds like a mental health issue.

The longer you stay with this man the worse it's likely to get without help.

It’s absolutely nothing he has done and I agree it is on myself. I feel like as soon as he picks up on it he won’t stick around anyway. I hate myself for being like this. Gp has recently started me on mirtazipine which I am hoping might help.

You need to find yourself, he's obviously making you miserable, big highs then utter despair, just end it, life's too short, find other things that you enjoy, hobbies, stop waiting around for crumbs, a thread similar to this was recently posted, it's probably too soon after your divorce

You've posted this before OP and was given some excellent advice

Yes, it seems very familiar.

How long ago was your divorce op?
It sounds like maybe that's not been properly processed and you're projecting onto this new relationship?

I have seen friends go through a relationship like this when they are re-establishing after divorce. It might be that counselling and being kind to yourself are what you need right now. If it is making you unhappy and you can't see that changing, then end it, but don't beat yourself up about it. You can only do what you can do.

This is an old wound. That’s why it’s driving your nervous system into orbit.

He is intermittent, like a slot machine. They did this experiment on rats and their fur came off with stress. Do not underestimate what this is doing to your body.

Did one or both of your parents emotionally neglect you or ignore you? This is not love it’s trauma being activated. Be careful x x