Would I be unreasonable to end it over poor timekeeping?

[CollectingAllTheACEs]

Been out with a guy I met online a couple of times, he seems absolutely lovely and we know a lot of the same people who all think he’s great. He also accidentally met my mum and her friends and they loved him too.

he does have a job that keeps him really busy but it’s also a lot of a passion project too (it’s a sport that I have zero interest in). He was meant to come over tonight for a takeaway

he said he’d be with me at 7 so order for 730. I didn’t because I know it arrives really quickly so thought I’d just wait for him. He then rings at 715 to say that he hasn’t finished with his tournament yet and it would be more like 8 he was at mine but he’d ring me and let me know. He hasn’t yet and I feel like I’m actually starving to death

would I be unreasonable to just let this one go back in the sea? I am autistic and a big thing for me is being on time/keeping me updated and he hasn’t. I also normally go to bed a 9 because I start work really early so it feels a bit pointless him even coming here! But I also then feel mean as everything else has been great

Seems early in the relationship to end on time keeping but I understand that hunger 😀.
9pm is early for bed so does he already know this?

I’d send a polite text saying it’s got a bit late so let’s leave it tonight.
call tomorrow and explain that you find the lateness hard to deal with and can he only make plans he can stick to as you need more structure. See how that goes before you make a decision.

I can’t abide people who are late, it’s as if they think their time is more important than yours, and it’s fine for you to just hang around waiting!

Id be messaging to say don’t bother coming tonight, as I’m up early so going to bed shortly, but I would probably give him another chance if I liked him. If he was then just as relaxed about time I’d definitely not bother again.

He has been updating you. Tournaments can go long.
I would rain check for tonight and schedule next date for a non tournament night.

I'm NT and can't bear people who are constantly late. I would text and say, 'Just leave it for tonight' and get myself something to eat.

But I would also tell him that if he is someone who is constantly late and unreliable then I don't want to continue seeing him. It would do my head in.

This. It is too late tonight. Reschedule.

I think binning him off because he was late once (and did keep you updated - he said he would be late and that his tournament hasn't ended yet, I don't see how he can give you a more specific time) is a bit of an over reaction.

If it's more than once, and he has no respect for your time then yes, I'd bin him off. I have a friend who is constantly late, and I've actually stopped making plans because my time is too valuable to be waiting around for her. I get all would up, then she'd arrive all like oh hiiii, sorry I got chatting...

I'd explain to the guy timekeeping and being updated is important to you, and see how you get on next time but I think be clear about the expectations as he may think he's already done that - just by different standards.

Order your food, text him to rain check and get to bed :-) over an hour late is pretty bad tbf.

Is this the only time he has been late? If so, it's a bit dramatic to put him in the bin, particularly as he has updated you. Tournaments of any type are often bound to run over and be hard to predict. His fault for booking a 'date' straight after I guess, but it's hardly the crime of the century is it?

Agree with above - if he's involved in a tournament then he's doing well, keeping you updated. If you can't adapt to changes of plan then either only arrange dates at times when he doesn't have a tournament or bin him.

I’m diagnosed autistic and adhd and timekeeping stresses me out, I over plan so that I never annoy others by being late but in my head. If something is supposed be happening at 7 I used to feel kind of tense and restless if they’re late. And then I’d be silently fuming about it. The shit I used to do included getting to work 90 mins early every day because I’d be so anxious the bus wouldn’t turn up, it would be full, it would break down, would just not stop, all things that regularly happened and I’d not be believed about, I’d never let myself have hobbies or do things that brought me peace because I knew I’d lose track of time and clearing a whole day just to do my hobby felt selfish and childish, as soon as I thought I was going to be a min late I’d be composing an apology message. I’d be silently fuming when someone was late for me. Dh is way more laid back I really needed that balance if I’m honest. Drives me mad sometimes but other times he’s my voice of reason.

Could you discuss it with him before dumping him? I’d have ordered the food and let him reheat when he’s done. I’d starve myself for nobody. 😂 maybe agreeing to no dates when he’s coming from an activity could be a solution?

I’ve noticed that majority of my autistic female friends end up with adhd men. Or my adhd female mates have autistic husbands, I’m not saying that’s the case here but just something I noticed.

I have physical disabilities now and never know from one day to the next if a task is going to take me five mins or one hour, it messes with my head but I find people way way more understanding and tolerant when they can physically see the reason I’m struggling, I’m told to be kind to myself and not stress whereas when it was just the ND causing my issues I’d be told I’m rude, disrespectful, lazy, selfish etc etc.