Want to separate but unable to afford a place to live - anyone been through this and found a solution?

[LemonsAgain]

So the relationship has been over for a long time and we are both miserable.
I am a SAHM to our pre-school aged children so I have no income of my own and I’ve been living off my savings which have now all gone.
We have a mortgage together which I would not be able to afford alone even if I got a job as I’d only be able to get a part-time job, probably at minimum wage.
If we sold the house, I’d prob get around £10k for my share of the equity.
Renting doesn’t seem to be an option either as estate agents/landlords seem to want you to be earning a certain amount of money before they’d even consider you as a tenant. I could potentially apply for UC but landlords don’t seem to like that either.
So what do I do? Are there any other options for me that I’ve overlooked?
I can’t see a way out of this situation at the moment and am feeling very trapped.

How are your pensions?

you may be able to argue for more equity in the home in return for him keeping his pension.

presumably you haven’t been paying into a private pension while a sahm?

this is another reason you need to get back to work asap, start building your pension.

you say you don’t want your kids to go from sahm to full time childcare, but won’t that happen when they go to school?

why will your dh not be paying child maintenance? Why will he not be seeing the kids? If you share 50:50 that gives you time to work.

this is the issue with separation. One income will not support two households.

So you've done various jobs for 20 years but have no skills?

She said £10k, not 10%.

So even more reason for the OP to get legal advice!

Id start by getting a full time job/getting nursery places for children.

A lot of families only have very little equity in their homes, e.g. of they bought the house recently and only paid off a smidge of the mortgage. £10k might be half of the equity that currently exists in the family home.

OP, I really feel for you. However, I agree with previous posters that you likely won't have the luxury of choosing to work part time only, unless you are okay with living very, very frugally. If I was in your position, I would move heaven and earth to get the kids into nursery and to get a job. Then hold on to that job until you're out of the probation period, and build up some savings. Then - and only then - separate. I would really play the long game here to create more security.

Before you do anything you must GET LEGAL ADVICE. Please pay for an initial consultation with a divorce lawyer (I can recommend one if you inbox me who charges £100 fixed fee for first meeting). You may not need to leave the home.

So you have cared for the children 100% using savings and he has not supported you? You may think I’m joking but I’d be seriously tempted to get a FT job and move out. Ideally with family but short term rental if needed. Let’s see how he likes trying to fund his life whilst providing 100% childcare! You can then come to some FAIR arrangement whilst you separate as he will actually motivated to. Probably involving formal childcare for work which you both pay for. But make sure he uses his savings if there are any first - fair’s fair. If you continue to come at this that he continues work FT and you sort everything else out assuming nothing from him other than a minimal amount of CMS, you are going to end up in debt before it is over.

I'm sorry to disagree but hard disagree on pps who suggest leaving the kids behind

If it came it family court that might really go against you.

Do nothing without legal advice op

Yep. If she moves out she’ll be classed as “housed” and her ex may be awarded a greater % of the family home to avoid selling so the kids remain housed.

she’ll also be expected to get a job and pay CM while she is the nrp, and he would be able to claim child benefit.

unless that’s what o/p wants she needs to remain in the family home with the kids until a court orders otherwise.

Agreed.

Also if things take a bad turn custody wise, and they can sometimes, you don't to be anywhere near an accusation of child abandonment.

Better to stick it out while the usual ducks get into their usual places 🦆🦆🦆🦆

Also just pausing to think about the ops kids, they are little and their whole world would collapse if the op just vanished to another property after being a sahm. And a gift that keeps giving if her stbxh lawyers up at any point

This is easy Op; unless there is domestic violence there is no rush. You get a part time job now and put your kids in childcare part-time. Do this for six months while you research somewhere to live once you separate and apply for full time jobs.

Once you have secured a full time job your kids will have adapted to nursery. Kids adapt very quickly and often do better in nursery more days a week than less. It’s not cruel, it’s pragmatic if you wish to leave your partner then you really don’t have a choice.

You may also find your partner wants the kids 50% of the time. Be prepared for that. That would mean you don’t get child support, but also might mean you can organise yourself to do some longer working hours and earn extra.

Also with the kids being so little you might get away with a one bedroom place for now, which should be a lot cheaper.

It sounds like this is an abusive relationship if you do not have access to funds and have had to use savings. That is financial abuse.

If you really are not living together as married, and can demonstrate you do all things separately, I’ve heard in some cases you may be able to get benefits in your own right. You’d need to check if this is correct. Being as this sounds like a financially abusive relationship you could see if you can get advice from a Domestic violence charity.

If your H will not pay his share of childcare, you are not going to make any money after childcare costs whilst you stay with him, and you very well could not afford to work at all if you have childcare costs.

in terms of getting a job, you count as economically inactive so would be eligible for employment support programmes. Your local council is likely to run some of these. Some are very good. I got free childcare through one whilst I trained for a qualification that they paid for. Some also pay for equipment people need to get work or start a business. The schemes change all the time, ime, so it depends on what is available when you look.

So a few questions @LemonsAgain because I think your situation might be better than you fear...

1. have you spoken to a lawyer yet
2. how do you and your H see the childcare split working after divorce? 50:50 is usually the starting point, do you have any concerns he might abuse or neglect them?
3. why don't you think you'll get maintenance, does he not earn very much, or is he self employed and likely to hide earnings, or...?
4. is there any weird stuff going on with the house like it's only in his name?

I'd also like to know how you ended up using all your savings, were you still covering half of the bills as an SAHM? But that's in the past and I'm just being nosy on that one I guess - it just doesn't sound like he has treated you very fairly

the kids would obviously be living with me and me alone.

Why? Not obvious at all.
He is their parent too

Childcare is a joint responsibility, especially when you start work. Otherwise you’re enabling your ex to carry on as normal. He has to pay half the nursery fees, do drop offs etc or cut down his hours.