Love life....

[Forthelovagod]

Looking for some advice.
Been with my partner 18mnths, previously friends for some years.
He is 53, keeps himself healthy, exercising and good diet. Non smoker, little alcohol. He is unable to maintain an erection enough to have sex without using viagra. He can masterbate without it and he does. All fine.

I am feeling quite unsatisfied in our love life. If i try to initiate sex its awkward because he needs to take a pill and wait for it to work. So this has led to a situation where he is the one in charge of when we have sex, which isnt often, less than once a week, sometimes weeks pass. If i mention it he will say his libido has taken a nose dive. But he has enough libido to regularly masterbate. I'd imagine because its easier. Less hassle.

Is this pretty usual at this age. I dont feel ready to have practically no sex life. It's a part of my life that's important to me.

Any advice.

@WallaceinAnderland no, i wasn't aware 🤦‍♀️ not intended in that way no.
It would surprise me if he's watching porn tbh as he wouldn't be keen on 'registering'

@DoesthislookgoodOnMeI agree early fifties is hardly old , David Beckham is 51 would you expect he cba anymore!

@Forthelovagod what are his positive points? What do you like about him ?
Because as he has zero interest in your pleasure, happiness or needs I’d be calling it a day.

There is such an arrogance in some men isn’t there, like imagine being that confident that despite offering your partner zero sexual satisfaction and refusing to seek any medical treatment for very significant and worrying symptoms, you think yep she will spend the rest of her life with me, lucky her, without a second thought.
Life must be brilliant for these people (men) with zero fucks given to the shit they are offering.

@Victoriawould24 yeah i have to admit without sounding like an arrogant cow, its not an attractive offer.
He does have good points. He works hard. He is consistent and doesnt dramatise or blow hot and cold. He's pretty reliable and solid, which was something my previous relationship lacked.
However there are many reasons why i don't want my life with him and i guess atm i am just in this relationship because i haven't got the energy to break up or maybe its not bad enough yet... I dont know.
We share a hobby. We enjoy similar lifestyles so i guess that holds us together atm.

But im frustrated. And i miss loving and being loved and i know this won't be enough for me forever.

So he gets an orgasm, but sod yours?!
Ugh he’d have been kicked to the kerb already.

The more you say about him the worse he sounds. It’s not going to get better is it?

He’s fine as he’s likely masterbating to pornography whenever the need arises, but doesn’t want to make more effort with you - how selfish.

I’d bin him to be honest, it will eat away at you after a while.

No. Just no. I’ve been seeing a (now) 57 year old man for 16 months and apart from an occasional “failure to launch” he has a healthy sex drive (think 5/6 times a week). He gets hard, stays hard and follows through 🤷‍♀️

And would be more than willing to get some Viagra if needed

but quite apart from that… he satisfies me with his fingers or tongue nearly every day befor he even thinks about himself. And on the rare occasion he can’t get it up, he goes the extra mile on me

He never says “oh well, I can’t get hard this morning therefore we’re all out of luck. 🤷‍♀️” sometimes he’ll give me a bit of what I need and then we do a bit of rubbing and sucking etc. we can both cum without penetrative sex

@SilverPink yeah i know. It's not good eh. I think because i am in peri there was a period of time it was hard for me to orgasm and he basically ran out of enthusiasm for me.... But now that i know he gets bored/tired/sore arm 🙄 it just feels meh.....

@Nihongo yeah its not going to be forever that's for sure.
When he says this stuff i ask him does he not think its selfish but he isnt great at any emotional chat, he just says the bare minimum.

He's basically a friend who i occasionally have sex with and that's not what im after....

Thanks for all the replies. 😊

@pedro im jealous! This is how i want my love life to be.
He says if i came first he'd be happy not to if i felt the moment had passed like he does. But i wouldn't be happy with that at all. I'd feel shit lying there all satisfied thinking my partner was beside me unfulfilled......

Yeah when my life settles down I'll be stepping out of this i think. Ive got a lot on my plate at the moment and i don't have the heart/head space for a break up. But it's 100% not forever.

How do you know he masturbates? Does he tell you he’s done it alone or does he do it in front of you?

@WhatYouWearing no not infront of me unless we are apart, away with work etc and he's video called, he might then wave an erection at the screen and i know it will lead to a wank.
Other times he mentions it....

I think Jan6 has a point since you were friemds for years beforehand. Id suggest thisnis simething that the two of you need to have a frank conversation about.

😆
You sound great OP and fully aware of what you need.
I am sure he’d be just what many women are waiting for but he’s not for you.
I hope things get better for you and you have an exciting adventure ahead.
Know your worth lady x

I agree with Road Rage. Do it together and move forward from there. And I cannot think of a man who does not like seeing his partner masturbate.

As if the rest of what you have said about him wasn't bad enough!

Honestly OP find your self esteem.

😂😂 He waves his hard knob at you on screen but won’t have sex, is he actully Ok? Aside from pretty worrying medical signs.

I think reading this OP I’d be leaving but I would out of care maybe pop a few leaflets around or send him links to the mentioned medical conditions, he is being a bit stupid ignoring this.

@CATomas i mean yeah, fine with that of course but i actually want sex too.

@rivalsbinge he knows i think he needs to address the health problems. He is not going to. Leaving leaflets... He'd just bin them. He won't take medication. He'd try natural remedies etc but he won't go to gp and take conventional medicine. We've had many a discussion believe me.

You say you haven’t got the heart or head space for a break up so how do you have the heart/head space for this pretend, disappointing sexual relationship? It would be less effort to dump him than to stay with him from yours posts.

@Userengage its really not. We have been friends a long time. He's clearly happy with the situation so breaking up would be unpleasant for us both.
The relationship isn't what i want long term but atm it does have good bits. We are friends. We cuddle. We do our hobby together which involves lots of travel and we share this so there are good bits.
But i have stuff going on just now in my life, im grieving and i honestly don't have the heart for more upset atm.

It sounds like the relationship has run its course anyway so it's just the formal wind down that's needed. Can't you just say to him that you feel like you're really good friends and talk about how you could split amicably. Can you have separate bedrooms and carry on living together whilst you sort everything out?

I think it would be a weight off your mind to get this done and he can continue to support you, if he's as nice a man as you say.

What usually happens is that will then say he's going to seek help for his problems. It usually takes a split to trigger them to do anything about it and even then he might not but at least you'll have taken the first step and been honest with him that you see no future in this relationship.