I have been with my boyfriend 5 years, we had a good relationship with the usual issues. We do not live together. I lived in a small dumpy apartment with my two teens as my landlord was great and the rent was cheap. Landlord got married new wife raised rent $1000/month. I luckily found a house and the mortgage is $200 more than what my rent would be.
Our relationship has shifted since I bought the house. He was a software engineer for a financial services firm and got laid off shortly after. I demanded he get a job as he had no drive to hit the streets (I am a nurse and I get a lot of overtime). He begrudgingly got a job at FedEx and would not go to his high school reunion because he didn’t want to tell people he works at FedEx.
I feel the purchase of my house and his layoff is causing a serious issue where I don’t know if I want to be with him anymore. He no longer gives me gifts for bday and such, didn’t get my son a gift for his HS graduation but came for free meal, sleeps all day on his days off (told the counselor we never spend time together because I work so much) which is a lie.
We were invited to my best friend’s son’s getaway wedding that I paid for (I got a cheaper hotel near the wedding) and he kept trying to get me to leave early as “We don’t spend time together” and I refused.
He volunteers at a homeless shelter 3-4x a week and takes piano lessons. I have told him he needs to stop volunteering so much and he cannot afford piano lessons. I pay for the dates when we go out, and he complains about how crappy his life is. He is also making comments about when the kids are leaving so he can move in, I told him if we make that decision we will buy or rent something together and the kids will rent the house from me.
We used to go to the gym, as he started refusing to go and gained a lot of weight (like 100 pounds-he sits at home sleeps, eats, drinks). I told him I am worried about his health and his eating habits, and we need to get to the gym, that his weight is a problem as he is too heavy for me when we are intimate. He once again refused so I canceled my membership (he still has his, he won't cancel it, he goes by himself to lay on the massage beds), and he is now telling everyone I called him fat.
He asked me to go with him to his counselor, who berated me for “not supporting him” and when I said he needs to get a job and stop volunteering so much and stop taking piano lessons he berated me again stating “It makes him feel good!!!” He then angrily made the comment in therapy "I don't have a house that I can relax in!!!" (He could if he got a second or third job)....
A few weeks back he started hinting that he had no money for his child’s support and I got angry and he changed the subject. Not happy with this therapist, after the therapy I went to the bathroom thinking he was in the hallway when I got out I couldn’t find him walked around the whole place found him BACK in his office and they were discussing if “This relationship with her is worth it?” and he was saying he thinks it could work.
I just found out he is behind on his rent; I told the therapist that he didn’t seem to care. Please help, AITA?