This is a story of my cousin who lives far away but we were brought up very closely so to me she is like a sister. 14 years ago she met this man who promissed her a child and stability - she was separated from her dh at the time who was a gambler in debt and told her he wasnt ready for children despite then being in his 40s. She had a thriving career so only a family and love were missing. The new man has pursued her and she was over the moon. We all were tbh as we knew how she dreamt of her own family. The new man had 2 adult children and was much older, forgot to tell her he had vasectomy but after admitting told her he will reverse it. He moved in with her and started pressurising her about her job, about the flat she was renting, about her money. Eventually the pressure was on her investing money with him in another house and mortgage (he already had a mortgage free house). She told me all that at the time and I was sceptical advising her to see a solicitor. Solicitor told her not to invest as if the relationship wont last there will be problems to get the money out. Turned out she also lost her job. I found it odd because she was the most ambitious in our family and always the driven one. Now she was with no job under pressure from him. She suggested to him how about his reversal and a baby first as it was time sensitive (him much older/ her biological clock), he said no, house must come first. They never moved to his old house because he did not want to change anything after his ex wife left him many years ago. My cousing was v uncomfortable there. Couple of years ago she told me that after so many years she feels she has not build anything and that he provided no security. He forced her to move far from London so her job search became very limited and encouraged her to stay at home. He still works, has his business and earns a lot of money but she, after 14 years has no access to it and no benefits. She does local jobs to have little money of her own. They have not been intimate for a decade (!!) and when she asks him about it it always ends up in argument. He is not intrested in going to doctors or therapy. He controls where she goes, what she does, is angry when she speaks to me or her other friend. We created a group to hlep her out as we think she needs support and a well paid job to get out. She told me she approached the topic of security again as after 14 years if he dies tomorrow she is on the street (he secured his children who are not in touch but not her) - he told her 'we can get married if you want' - here, what i think is a trick - he is giving her a fake hope and a sense that if they are married, she is safe but she is not - even if they marry, he can the following day write a will and leave her nothing. Also why marry after 14 years when you have not had sex for 10?? I met him with my husband few times and the conversation was only about money. It was deflating. What I see here is a crafty man who future faked my cousin, she invested her best years into hope and ended up with an old guy who has groomed her to be his free carer. I am trying to tell her this as subtely as possible and get her out but what do you think? She knows that but i feel she is not motivated. I know I can be a bit of a cynic but this story really upsets me. She is a very atractive woman 49 and he is nearly 70. I dont want to tell her but what a waste. How do I help her? I can see her confidence is on the floor and she is very unhappy but she has nowhere to go and he knows it. He has everything, she has nothing.