I ghosted a long-term friend and still miss the good times

[Avril22]

I had a close friend for 20 years. I ghosted her because the final straw was she called me lazy for not working when I had ill health and was sacked from my employer as a result. Yet when she was claiming Job Seekers as she couldn’t work as she has depression I never judged. This was 5 years ago. I reached out to her 5 months ago as an ex school friend of our passed away. She said thanks for letting he know and I said ok. That was the end of conversation.

I wish I had told her at the time she upset me with her comment. We were good friends but other times she would be on the defence and sarcastic for no reason with subtle digs. She did this with other friends who finally dropped her as they had enough. The friend who died she even slept with her ex fiancé and told her out of guilt and they fell out.

I miss her from the good times we had as she was a good friend but she hurt me.

I do agree ghosting was horrible and I wish she knew why I did it. I don’t expect to be friends again but miss when we had a good friendship.

I would approach her again- perhaps just send a casual how are you message, and see if she replies. Then take it from there.

Kindly OP, what does she bring to the relationship. She sounds toxic and perhaps you’d be better off without her in your life

I haven’t missed the put downs but other times she was a good friend when I had hard times. I don’t have that now in my life. I’m probably just clutching at straws.

I don’t think she necessarily sounds toxic. It sounds like she was thoughtless and a bit hard. Friends do fall out, but personally I think it’s worth trying to revive friendships if you think the good outweighs the bad.

I think what is making me anxious is if she blanks me or has a go at me. I don’t know how she will respond.

Well, this is an object lesson, surely, in addressing whatever it is at the time, rather than totally cutting contact, and cutting off your nose to spite your face?

She’s probably floating around on some Mn thread about being ghosted for no reason, because she has no idea what the issue was, given that you’d apparently swallowed her tactlessness and verbal unpleasantness for years?

All you can do now is tell her how her comment made you feel, and say you’d like to resume the friendship if she’s open to it?

Just let it go op. Not unkindly. But it is sometimes best to let sleeping dogs lie.

Yes let it go sometimes things run their course. Would friendship be awkward. I would let it go

The irony OPI you are apprehensive that she will blank you and that is what you did to her.
Maybe take a chance.

I’d tell her how you feel and take it from there. Maybe tell her you miss the good times as well.

Forget about her she doesn't seem like a very good friend at all .

Be courageous and take the first step by talking to her.

As someone who re connected with people from the past after I left my husband. I can tell you it was ok in the beginning but eventually the reasons why the friendships fizzled out became apparent. One in particular, I thought we were getting along swimmingly and then out of the blue one day they told me I had ghosted them and how this is a terrible thing to do and they couldn’t believe it when I got in touch! I didn’t know what ghosting was and in fact the reason I had not been in touch was that I was being controlled by my husband. I eventually wished I had not contacted this person but let those memories lie in the past where they belong. You and your ex friend are different people now. Make new friends.

I had a best friend from age 5 to age 24. She betrayed me and accused me and our other best friend of something terrible. And then ended our friendship. Years later she goes to my mum’s house to find me (I was staying there as it was Christmas so saw her) and then friends me on Facebook and sends me messages. We swap texts. Her mum then sadly died so I sent her a card and gift. I actually posted here about what to do and the unanimous decision was to not be friends. She didn’t even apologise or mention the original reason why the friendship ended, if she had done I might be friends.

In your case you can reach out but remember the reason you ghosted her in the first place. Can you forgive/let go over that?

From the little you've said about her, she doesn't sound like a very nice friend. Are you sure you want to reopen that can of worms?