Sex dream about co-worker (I’m happily married)…can’t stop thinking about it

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So, last night I had a vivid sex / romantic dream about a co-worker. I’ve known him in a work context for 15 years off and on. He’s a year ahead of me. Good looking. Didn’t know him well at first but working more with him now. He’s nice and a good peer. He’s married with kids. I’m married with kids. There is nothing going on.

But, last night, steamy, romantic sex dream. And now…it’s like I have a proper crush and can’t stop thinking about him. I did not think this way before the dream.

This is not professional, not fair on my husband, not good all round. So, what to do. I’m stuck feeling all excited high-school crush style, and incredibly guilty. …

My DH and I tell each other about silly dreams like this, we joke about and laugh at the way the mind works. Takes all the hidden power out of it.

Relax! I often have sex dreams about co-workers. I think because we work in an intense industry and it is like an outlet. It never means anything and doesn't mean I love my husband any less and it CERTAINLY doesn't mean I act on it.

It's nice to be able to appreciate a good looking person anyway. Just enjoy it and it will pass- honestly.

First comment nails it! It’s also worth remembering that in perimenopause our hormones start doing some crazy things, pretty sure that’s why there’s so many cases of ‘mid-life limerence’!

It will pass. Right now you have a crush on dream-version of colleague, which is always better looking/generally more appealing than real-life colleague. Once you’ve seen him a few times in real life you’ll be grand (unless of course he is an absolute dream in real life too, then you might be in trouble!).

Nothing to worry about, OP. The dream or the crush. These things matter as much as you let them. Personally, i think periodic attraction to others in a long relationship is quite normal. Not everyone experiences it but many do. After all, there would be no need for the wedding vow to foresake all others if everyone else simply ceased to be attractive after we committed to one person. It doesn’t mean anything is missing from your main relationship either. I think hormones can play a role - enjoy that. I would also say that my libido still thrums along nicely several years into menopause. I think the fact there is no chance of pregnancy helps there.

The whole point of commitment is not letting passing attraction to others distract you from your love for your life partner. I’ve been with DH 25+ years. I’ve had occasional attractions here and there and a couple of deep crushes. They had no impact on my love for DH and i had no wish to leave him to pursue something with these other men. I just assume the same would happen whoever i had been with for 25+ years. But, after all these years together at the coalface of parenting, working, bill-paying, running a household etc and despite irritations here and there, DH and I still chat, make each other laugh, find each other interesting, enjoy going places together, have sex, snuggle up in bed etc. I don’t assume i would have that with anyone else and i bet you feel the same about your husband.

We can’t control our dreams, just enjoy. Your dream colleague is different to your real life one. And a passionate sex dream is much nicer than a nightmare.

Thanks everyone - this is what I needed to hear! It’s not like I’ve never thought other folk were good looking etc before - it was the vividness of the dream which makes this feel weird. The perimenopause point is a good one. I’m early 40s and been wondering otherwise about that. Deffo fancy the dream version - but maybe that the point of the dream version - he’s very dreamy 🤣

think instead of fantasising about this person (or wishing for another dream about him) may just start wishing for another similar dream about anyone 🤣

I am very sad for you that this hasn't happened before. Every few months I will have a dream about someone, not necessarily properly sexual but in the dream I love them, and when I wake up I have a lovely crush/warm feeling for them for most of the day. It soon enough wears off. I have told my husband about some of them and he doesn't care. It is just your brain messing you around. Enjoy it.

How is a silly dream not fair to your husband? I think you’re making this a far bigger deal than it is. It’s simply a dream and nothing more - you can’t control those whether you are married or not.

Yeah fair - he’s probably had many similar. I think it just felt a bit OTT 🤣

For most normal people it’s an intrusive thought you can’t control. Awkward. Embarrassing. Just forget about it.

Yeah - actually like everyone said - all good - very normal at work - not thinking about it really anymore - deffo just a dream. But intrusive is right - was like watching a film that wasn’t as you expected and you can’t get out your head for a while.