Is it reasonable to expect more equal sharing on birthday weekend?

[Noodles007]

My girlfriend of 7 months is taking me away to an airbnb for my birthday for 3 nights, which is really lovely. As we approach the weekend away, she is asking me to plan and bring all food and wine, pay for dinners out etc. I’ll be driving which I enjoy. I was thrilled to receive the lovely gift. We both earn equally, she is probably more cash rich than me right now as I’m studying for an mba full time. My last assignment is due in the day we leave so it’s also to celebrate thus. My two children are at Uni, hers are in primary school. I’m a professional who’s taken a year out to study. She’s a landlady and property developer. In the 7 months we’ve been together I’ve paid for all dinners and lunches out. It would be nice to be brought out first dinner once, am I wrong!? She always provides lovely food in her home and wine. I ask, not necessarily just about the money and expense, but aren’t relationships supposed to be on equal footing?

Just reread it and realised she has never paid for a meal when you go out! I 100% do not think that’s acceptable. Nothing to do with which sex you are or what age but everyone should pay their way and treat one another at times.

I’m more likely to want to pay for it myself and I’m a little younger than you and female. IMHO some women are users and always expect the man to pay when they are out. Years ago I used to work in bars and nightclubs and you can even tell which ones they are, so I have always prefer to pay my share and so on.

This does not sound like a “birthday present or treat” in any shape or form.

^^ 100% agree with this - I’m also male and about your ages, I dated someone briefly who would never pay for anything either ( she was 54) and she just kinda expected me to pay for everything, which was quite frustrating to say the least

Depending on where you're staying and where you're eating, the food and drink could cost more than the accommodation. And then there's your fuel costs if its a distance away. Also the time and effort factor - she's booked some accommodation, but sounds like she's expecting you to sort out all the food to take with you. Not ideal when you've got a work deadline right beforehand.

How do you earn equally if you’re studying full time surely you have no income other than savings investments etc?
For the birthday - I think it’s unkind that she’s not treating you to any food or drink and even more unkind that she’s expecting you to do the mental load whilst you’re trying to finish an important assignment (I was a mature student too so couldn’t have managed that stress when on a pressure point, I also had a partner who was a mature student and didn’t give him jobs at those times!) if she’s your gf she should understand and care about the busy ness of it. However, she might have done this innocently (eg he can choose the food and drink he wants) so I would say ‘I’m so excited about going away with you tbh planning out the food and drink in advance feels like a bit too much on my brain while I’m trying to be hectic with my work - can we either stop off at a supermarket on the way, or if you have any time to do an online order if you prefer I will contribute? If she cares that should be reasonable. I also wonder whether she had an ex who left all the cognitive load to her so she gives you a few planning tasks to see how you get on.

with meals out, if don’t like splitting bills in a couple I like taking turns according to who invited and who has more free income. You could either say ‘darling I love going out with you I’m finding it a bit much, I’m going to need to do dates out a bit less often or if we could take turns planning and sorting the date nights then that would be so appreciated too’ then she can plan meals out at her budget too. Again, a nice woman would agree to that , if she holds the view that my money is my money his money is our money then she won’t. I’m a nice woman on a bit of a budget and when I was dating a man ten years older than me with a big income (but big outgoing too) I definitely let him pay for more but I did make the effort to pick up some tabs eg brunch, and when it was his bday I spend about £250 from my savings on a babysitter, nice wine and a meal and drinks out