Feeling very ashamed of my drunken behaviour

[Mumoftwo654]

So, I have had a night out recently where I was totally blazing. A ladies event with 12 hours of drinking! I was dancing on the dance floor with lots of girlfriends and at one point an 80ish year old man. When extremely drunk I twirl my friends around, lift them up etc a lot. I also spent about 6 hours I’d say dancing! I dance a lot when drunk!!! At one point I attempted to get my dentist on the dance floor. He was standing at the side with his girlfriend. I don’t know him well other than that he is my dentist. He didn’t dance.

I am 41 and married with two kids. I am riddled with guilt that I did this. I am coming to the conclusion that I may have a problem with anxiety, definitely have a problem with alcohol, but I am also extremely ashamed and embarrassed that I tried to get him to dance. I seem to be doing really stupid things on the last couple of nights out. I am currently trying to quit drinking altogether and I rarely ever have nights out anyway so they should be easy to stop.

I suppose I am just intrigued as to how ashamed I should really feel about this and how much I am catastrophising. I really do feel terrible. Losing sleep over it. Also, I have not told my hubby that I tried to get the dentist up to dance! Should I?

Any views would be grately appreciated.

Also, what the hell do I say to the dentist next time I have an appointment?

😩😳🙈

It sounds like you do have a problem with alcohol. If try cutting it out for a couple of months and see how it goes. Being out of control isn't a good look. I'd change dentist too.

So long as you didn't ask him to fill some of your holes... you're fine.

I'm going to take a differing view. I'm looking at this from the pov of someone outside British drinking culture.

Your body is giving you notice it's quitting time. That you're embarrassing yourself and behaving obnoxiously to someone you know in a professional context, and you say yourself you feel like you're losing control when you drink and are doing stupid things, those are signs you can't handle drinking alcohol in a healthy way. You're at the age your metabolism is slowing and your body is processing alcohol differently that it did when you were younger.

Oh man been there, but I was young and a bit stupid. At least you are aware of this and owning up to it, and honestly there is worse things out there than a mum who is out having a bit of fun. Like you say you will curb the drinking down, but wow 6 hours on the dance floor, I love dancing but 6 hours and I would be done for. Us mums need an outlet and let our hair down, and I am sure most who you bumped into that night saw it that way too.

Why would you say that when she was a pain in the neck to her dentist?

@Waitingfordoggo said what I was thinking.

If your dentist is one of the good ones, don’t go to a new one. The good ones are hard to find. If you’re still embarrassed when your next appointment comes along, just tell him you heard that he met your sister, your “exuberant “ twin sister 😬

Please stop being so hard on yourself. It has happened to us all, and it will be forgotten about.

Nah, that’s not even an opposite version of the post!
OP was lifting and twirling her friends not random people of the opposite sex so hardly the same thing.
And so what, the dentist said no and that’s that.

It doesn’t sound like you were too bad, you were drunk and having fun but you didn’t hurt anyone, didn’t cheat on your husband, didn’t make a big scene or cause drama, nobody else’s night out was ruined because of anything you did.

But I can definitely relate. I get such bad anxiety after drinking these days, even if all I did was sit and chat with people, I have a nice time in the moment but then end up hating myself for days afterwards. It’s such a shame that nice social occasions get ruined for me like this. Plus feeling totally rotten from the hangovers. Because of this I can count on one hand how many times I drink over a 12 month period now. Even if I didn’t do anything ‘bad’ I hate the thought that I was really annoying, or being too much or over shared about something. I’m an anxious person in general and alcohol sadly makes it worse and I make every little thing into a big thing even when it’s categorically not.

I wasn’t this bad when younger, and I did far more risky/worse/annoying things back then. I’m so much harder on myself now and in some ways, seem to care way more about how I come across and what others think.

I doubt anyone is thinking twice about you from that night, they have probably embarrassed themselves plenty due to drinking in the past, most people who have been drunk have at one time or another and many things are easily forgiven and forgotten about. It’s also unlikely that you were the only one in that state, most people were probably some level of drunk that night and may even be worrying more about themselves than anything you did. Easier said than done but try not to worry. It might be worth cutting down and setting yourself a limit for how much to drink on a night out, or giving up alcohol altogether if it’s really unbearable.

At least you didn’t shag him, so take it as a win 😁

Everyone who is anyone has done something like that! My cousin, who was a local teacher in a small town got on the stage during a church festival and kissed a man in the band who was her physician! :)

It's the alcohol fear. Don't worry too much. I have largely given up because of similar experiences though. The physical anxiety the next day (perhaps because of association?) became so intense after even a couple of drinks, even when I knew I'd been fine and just had nice chats! Maybe part of getting older, am now 40 and don't seem to metabolise it like I used to. I had to quit caffeine too because it started making my heart go crazy, wonder if there's a common cause. Switching to decaf was a lot sadder than cutting the booze!

I also realised one of the reasons I went OTT when I drank was that I am very reserved and a bit shy normally so when those inhibitions were removed by alcohol I got such a buzz from it that I would go too far (nothing crazy, just saying stuff I wouldn't normally.) I realised I was using alcohol as a social crutch in those (infrequent) situations and I didn't want to do that. I would rather work on making real connections while I'm sober. I'll have one with DH when we're out or on holiday but that's it. I don't drink socially with friends now. I don't miss it.