Not sure what to do

[leftyluceyrightytighty]

Walked in my husbands office and he shut a page down as soon as I walked in. It looked like a grid of faces on a black background. It was the morning and he wasn’t working. 6 years ago I caught him once on a dating app and private message app. I automatically thought it was a dating app yesterday. Am I presuming too quickly?

What happened after he cheated on you last time OP?

What he do to change his behaviour.?

Part of trying to prove he is trustworthy should be him being very open with you including in his use of electronic devices.
So you should be able to ask him what he was looking at that he shut down when you walked in. If you feel you can't ask him that or you don't believe you will get a truthful answer then what is the point in your marriage?

Last time he said it was a one off and he was in a place. He came off it all and that was that. I’ve never gained trust again though. Never had the money to leave either.

I’ll ask him today though. Will be interesting to see his reaction. I really hate confrontation though.

Could be an early morning Teams/Zoom meeting but I highly doubt it OP

I doubt you are presuming too quickly. Why don’t you feel able to ask him ? You say you don’t trust him but can’t afford to leave. I’m sorry but anyone can afford to leave. What if he left you and you had to cope with it ? Many of us have had the rug pulled from under our feet, we found our way back and life goes on, except this time it’s without the lies, the cheating and the gaslighting. Are you trading your happiness and your sanity for a lifestyle ? Ask him and take it from there. It sounds like not much has changed from 6 years ago.

I’d wager he never came off the dating apps, just learned to hide it better.

Keep an eye on things. But more importantly, start making sure you do have the means to leave him and live independently. Do NOT ask him anything. What you think he’s going to tell you the truth? lol no chance.

Just pretend you saw nothing.

If there’s no trust then what does it matter if he’s cheating anyway by the way?
Whats the point in staying with someone you don’t trust?

Start getting ready to leave, consult a solicitor and see what they need for a favourable divorce.

yeah I would also be a bit suspicious knowing he has form. Your intuition is just telling you something.

The thing is people who have form of doing stuff behind their partners back, and get caught, who say will stop and say I am sorry, often get that itch again and just learn to hide it better.

If this was all innocent then he would not have to shut the laptop lid down in haste like that. Adult sites or dating sites you will need to figure out what does he have to do to cross that boundary? What are you willing to look past?
it all comes down to what you are preparted to live with, because its such a horrid feeling at the pit of your stomach when you think everything is honky dory within the relationship, after the recovery of historic betrayal, and you think you are over it, then an incident like that throws you back and uncertainty is back on the table. I doubt talking to him or confronting will give you the honesty you deserve.

It could be porn, looking at a surprise present for you or just looking at something he may be embarrassed about (hair loss, spurs season ticket)...

But in many cases 2+2 = 4.

it will be a dating app. Ashley Madison is a grid of faces on a background (can be black if that’s what he set it up as)

….and the answer was?

Thanks for responses. He said it wasn’t anything and invited me to look at his screen and go through his history (which I said you could just delete!) Caught him on AM 6 years ago. He said he wasnt right back then and would never do that kind of thing again. He did go a bit pink when I asked him though.

So why did he close the page down as soon as you walked in if there was nothing to hide?