Advice on seeing a lawyer about divorce : what should I ask at free appointment?

[Goodbyeimgoinghome]

My husband has told me that he wants a divorce. We are still living together with 3 teens. I have since discovered his ongoing affair although haven’t confronted him on this yet. He has already been to see a lawyer. I have an initial consultation with a lawyer tomorrow- it’s a free visit to go over details and decide if I want to engage their services. Any advice on what I need to ask about and what info I should have ready. I’m totally clueless. I don’t have any financial information regarding his income, pension etc. I don’t want to leave our house and he will not go either. I want to make the most of my appointment tomorrow so any ideas on what i should be discussing/ what the lawyer will need to know would be very welcome.

In the initial free appointment, the lawyer will be fact finding from you. Estimates of salaries; kids; equity in house etc. It won’t be longer than an hour tops.

Trust me…. It will be thirty mins, most of which will be explaining fee structure, retainer and costs.

Will ask how much outstanding on mortgage, and for earnings if you both, plus a rough idea of pensions and savings and whether any debt. So come armed with financial info.

and then it will be time to go

don’t have any financial information regarding his income, pension etc. I don’t want to leave our house and he will not g

then cancel the app until you can source some info as pointless

I agree with this. You do not want to waste this valuable free appointment by turning up without at least some of the necessary information.

You need to collate financial information before seeing the solicitor otherwise will just be the solicitor giving you fee info and a bit of a sales pitch

You need to decide whether you want to go for everything you can get, or try to find a reasonable division of your assets and minimise costs, delays and stress.

If the former, you will definitely need to go with a solicitor. It will be costly. If the latter, you might want to look into family mediation.

Ive been divorced three times (yes I know) and I always ask how much Im likely to get as a settlement and very important getting a consent order so he cant come back for more money at a later date.
You need to go armed with all the financial details. Approx value of house, pensions, earnings everything or it will be a waste of time.

If you don’t know any specifics about the financials, they won’t be able to give you anything more than very high level generic advice about how marital assets tend to be divided and about the process. If you want to get the best from the appointment, postpone it until you have some figures.

The 30 minute free appointment isn’t about you being able to do it yourself. It’s about the solicitor deciding whether they can help you (and charge you). They want to know about assets, income, pensions, childcare costs, etc.

Also, be warned that if you hire that solicitor, that 30 mins is likely to be billed at the end

They aren’t going to give out any proper legal advice in a free consultation. They will only tell you how the marital point is judged and how it is divided.

they’ll ask about your financial affairs, but as long as you have a rough idea, that’s fine. They aren’t going to checking every detail in half an hour.

do you know the following?:
how much you earn and what you have in savings?
how much your H earns and savings
approx joint savings
how much family home is worth? How much equity in house?
how long have you both contributed to pensions?
are kids involved ? Age and number of kids
how is childcare currently divided ?
do you both want 50/50 care of kids?

They will basically tell you that all you and husband’s assets ( house, savings, pensions ) will be put into one pot and usually halved. This will change depending on kids and who cares for them most of the time. Salary will also be considered

And about you getting a feel for the person.

First of all your husband and your self need to get up to date values of your pensions. Tell him to get one. The CETV. It can take several months to get this. You can also check your State Pension online. He needs to do the same. Google Form E as that is what is filled in when seeking a financial consent order. You need also a current value for your house ( 3 visits ) and how much is left on your mortgage and how much equity you have. You can work on all of this. You could let him do the initial filing . Do not agree anything financial with him in the light of you saying you know very little. If you have any savings have it frozen. All a lawyer will tell you now is the starting point. Don't leave the house no matter how difficult it is.

The key point is that divorce involves 3 processes.

• the legal end to the marriage (no grounds or fault is needed)
• How children will be looked after
• How money (assets like houses and pensions) will be divided.. Child maintenance is based on a formula,

The latter two are linked. The first is basically form-filling. You will be encouraged (by the system) to reach an agreement between yourself and the ex. Splits of assets, need a good reason to depart from 50/50.

I don’t know that I can find this information. We are not in any way on speaking terms. I thought he would have to disclose this information when required not that I had to provide it. He has a business and an accountant and I expect anything he wouldn’t want me to be aware of is kept on the premises. He has managed to hide a 10 year affair I don’t trust him to be upfront about anything.

Thank you for all the advice. I am going to keep the appointment as I have taken time off work and made various arrangements. I have found some paperwork that may be useful and have online access to joint bank account and mortgage account. No idea how to find out about pension (not in UK). Hoping that I at least get a steer in the right direction and as a PP said get a feel if this lawyer is a good fit for me before committing to fees I really can’t afford. It is such a mess and I have been so complacent about him taking care of the finances and assuring me the future was taken care of. I have been such a fool - tale as old as time 😢

Would have been useful to know you were not in the uk in your Op.