Feeling low about being the only single parent in class

[Lastonestandingone]

Sat here feeling sorry for myself. Dawning realisation that everyone in my child's class are from 2 parent families. The parents are lovely, the dads (and stepdads) really share the load, happy wives. Good people. Ive been doing this for 10 years alone. Lots of friends. Tried the apps, and keeping my eye on them. Can't help thinking why not me? And I know people will say i should be happy with my lot, but when daily you see this, it does make you feel low.

I was the only single person in my DDs year group - I was a widow. So she was also the only one (and my son) who didn’t have a father, which was a much bigger deal.
Life isn’t fair. But I have not met anyone in the 15 years since his death but that’s just the way it is.

My son came home from school one day and told me he was the only "lonely child" in his class. Only child obviously. I felt so so bad. I know it's not that same but just sharing it to say that in reality there are many family types. I think you won't be the only single patient through all your child's education, it's pretty common.

Just to be realistic...

You've got no idea whether all of those marriages are happy or what goes on behind closed doors. Some people put on a really good public face! Some of those women will be doing it all but allowing people to think she's with a good man who does his share; some parents will be arguing; some will suspect affairs; some will feel lonely in their marriage; some will put oon a good show because theyre scared of going it alone...

I also had the "I'm not an only child, I'm a lonely child!" When my eldest was younger. I had another eventually. But I couldn't magic a sibling up out of thin air on his timescales! So, some of it is perspective.

You can't change your single status just because you want to. It requires you to meet another person you want to be with as much as they want to be with you, and that can take time.

So what you can do in the meantime is reframe it to yourself - you don't need someone else - you've got this on your own. Do what you can to make your life the best it can be within your personal parameters.

I was a single parent for most of my parenting years (by choice - I wasn't going to bring another man into our family or blend families) There was one other single parent in my son's class in primary and neither of us were lesser for it. We were strong, capable and in a far better position than some of the mums who were in crap relationships behind closed doors!

Was I lonely at times? Of course I was. I know the crushing sadness and loneliness and fear of doing it all alone and being the only one responsible but I chose to focus on the positives because what was the alternative?

Absolutely to what @GreyCarpet said.

From what we have seen on here, unless it’s really tiny class, it’s very, very unlikely that all those dads and step dads genuinely do share the load. You see a snapshot of their lives at the school gates. Maybe the school run is literally all the dad does?

I’m sure some genuinely share the load, but I think you are probably looking at it all through rose tinted glasses and think their grass looks greener. We all look at others at times and think their lives are better, or we wish we had what they have. For all you know, some of those wives might be looking at you envious that you don’t have an additional child to care for in the form of a husband who does nothing at home but makes out to the world he’s “Super Dad”.

Yes, or just the ordinary complications and compromises of blended families.

I was the same, it’s very hard. My DC was the only one with a young parent and the only one with just a mum.

It won’t last, there will be more divorces.