How often do you are your dp have sex?

[swapsh]

DP and I have been together almost 7 years during this time we split for around a year and a half but are now back together and planning on buying a house. I have 1 dc from a previous relationship, as does he. The problem is I feel like he wants sex constantly. If we do it once a day he wants it twice a day. I feel like nothing is ever enough. I’ve got to a point where I’m doing it to keep him happy and I’m starting to get sick of it.

Myself and my DP can be intimate 2/3 times a week but then also sometimes 2/3 weeks with nothing.
Other people’s relationships shouldn’t be a comparison, everyone has a different sex drive and view of that’s regular/irregular

What’s important is you.
If you’re not wanting to have sex but feel you have to to please your partner, I’m sorry but that’s not healthy and is bordering on abuse.
Have you had a discussion with your partner about your difference in wants?
How does he react if you say no?

Is this issue also why you split up for 18 months?.

Do not buy a property with him.

I think quite a lot of people would find 1-2 x day a bit much! I imagine you feel you don’t ever get the chance to build up desire for it

Other people’s frequency of having sex does not change that it sounds like you’re in a pretty poor relationship.

Sounds like a miserable relationship. Such a turn off to be nagged for more and more sex. Don't get stuck with him by buying a house together.

Please don’t buy a house with him, this is going to cause problems in the future. You shouldn’t be having any sex you don’t want.

How much sex other people have is irrelevant. What matters is that your sex drives are matched, which your aren’t. Once or twice is day is fine - if you both want it.

I am always a bit sceptical of posters asking for sex life details of others.

However, as PP say, it’s not about anyone else but why on earth you feel pressured into this?

Don’t buy a house with him and don’t get pregnant by him. You are not suited in the long run.

Tell him what you've said here.

'If we do it once a day you want it twice a day. I feel like nothing is ever enough. I’ve got to a point where I’m doing it to keep you happy and I’m starting to get sick of it. You're turning me off instead of on. Is that what you want?'

@Slightyamusedandsilly but that’s not fair I don’t think. He’s not wrong for wanting it twice a day. He would be if he was pressuring her. Sounds like a mismatch of sex drives. She shouldn’t be pressured to have sex when she doesn’t want to, equally he shouldn’t have to have sex much less than he wants. It’s a mismatch. Ask him if he’s ok with less or if it’s a deal breaker OP? Tbh it would be for me. I have his sex drive, I was wirh someone who only wanted sex once a month and it was awful. I felt so u desired and frustrated. Then I was wirh someone who wanted it more than me! Like 3 times a day and I felt
pestered and pressured constantly and never felt like there was time to build up that desire. He felt constantly rejected as the one who was always initiating it. I am now wirh someone where it is totally equal we are all over each other and have sex twice a day.

Point is having matching drives is sooooo important I think.

Cliché, but stands true: communication is truly the key, @swapsh . You should only have sex if you want to have sex, not to just keep the partner happy. Especially when you are about to buy a property together. Not solving this is a recipe for disaster, resentment, etc. If you never express that you are not feeling like having sex this often, that truly would be the first step. If he reacts poorly, then that is a different issue. But you haven't told us wether he knows this or not.

And no matter what others on this thread will say what their number is, it is unimportant for your situation, it is also not something worth comparing.

He can absolutely have sex as often as he wants. So he needs to go off and have it on his own. She's not a blow up doll, for him to ejaculate into. She doesn't want it as much as him.

She said:

the problem is I feel like he wants sex constantly.
This shows he is pressuring her. It is a problem for her.

I feel like nothing is ever enough [...] I’m doing it to keep him happy and I’m starting to get sick of it.
She doesn't want it. And he is literally turning her off now because of the pressuring.

It is very rare to find someone who has a libido that exactly matches our own. Our partner is not the sole source of sexual relief. And sex, as a couple, should be loving, as well as a way to get off. If he just needs to get off/ejaculate he can do that on his own.

If there is one thing that the current crop of incel men has taught us, it is that no one is entitled to sex with another person.

Why would you move in with someone who clearly irritates you? You have mismatched sex drives and it's a positive you have discovered it before any major financial commitments are made. Having sex when you don't want to is not acceptable and equally having sex with someone who is simply doing their duty is also not comforting. Go your separate ways or have couple's counselling first to evaluate whether you are actually right for each other.

You need to sit down and have a serious conversation about it.

Are you both quite young? I had a boyfriend many moons ago who wanted it 3 or 4 times a day. At first it was amazing.... a few weeks after he moved in, I asked him to move out as he was literally sex obsessed, waking me multiple times during the night! My point is though, younger men, usually under 35, can be like this.

If your sex drives are mismatched, could he sometimes deal with it by masturbation instead? If the rest of your relationship is really good.... and I'm assuming so, otherwise you wouldn't be looking at settling down with him, then I would try counselling first?

Nobody wants to feel pressured to have sex. I'm a woman and I would happily have sex twice a day. But everyone is different. I recently left a sexless relationship as I discovered my ex was a porn addict and could only get an erection for specific images. It was incredibly disheartening and frustrating wanting someone, but being unable to connect at that level with them. The lack of communication and lies killed it in the end, other levels of disrespect were there too.... I digress.... my point is, communicate kindly, gently and clearly. Make sure he knows how much you care for and value him though.

I hope you get sorted OP.

We’ve only been together 9 months. We might only have sex twice a week and it’s getting to me because I’d love to have intimacy in some form every other night. We don’t go to bed at the same time unless it’s the weekend. I’m already asleep before he gets to bed. 1-2 times a day would be an absolute dream for me as my sex drive is a lot higher than DPs. But I can see how that’s a lot for some people. Don’t feel pressured OP.

I never said she was a blow up doll, or that he gets what he wants and she doesnt!! I said he isnt wrong for wanting sex as much as he does, and she isn't wrong for wanting it less. If he doesnt know that she feels pressured and grossed out, then what one earth has he done wrong?
They are so close though in what they want sexually. Her twice a day, him three times. If she tells him he would probably be fine with just jacking off. If hes not then he shouldn't pressure her though,but he wouldn't be wrong to say its not enough for him. I only want someone who wants to have sex with me as much as I do. So someone reluctantly agreeing would not work for me.

Stop painting him to be an abuser when you don't even know if thats the case.