How can I stop worrying so much about one-sided friendships?

[TheThursdayClub]

Hi everyone - I’m looking for any advice or words of wisdom on how I can care / worry less about friendships.

All throughout my life, I’ve always felt like I’m on the peripheral of friendship groups and I feel like now as an adult I spend too much time worrying about friendships.

Just as an example, my husband and I have a group of 3 couples we have made friends with through his hobby. I get on well with the other wives and we meet up as a group at my instigation but I know the other 2 have much more in common and meet up frequently and text all the time etc. I totally appreciate that some people click better than others but it feels like a gut punch every time I know that they have met up and not included me.

Another example is since she became a mum, my ‘BF’ has dropped me for her mum friends. Cancels on me constantly & barley bothers to reply to my messages.

When I had my baby I really hoped I would make some mum friends at the baby classes but everyone always seemed to already be in groups and I just felt really disappointed and demoralised.

Basically I feel like I spend an awful lot of time worrying and thinking about friendships with people who clearly aren’t that bothered about me !! I’ve got a little boy who I absolutely adore and I know I should just focus on him and stop stressing but it’s easier said than done.

Does anyone have any advice please ?

You just haven’t found your tribe. And some friends you make now (especially those based on parenthood) can be ‘just for a season’.
Is there any way you can join a hobby just for you (tricky with a baby I know…). Am thinking something arty or singing in a choir? Doing an activity can be a great way to meet people.
Sending you much empathy.

@DoctorMarten thank you for the reply - definitely feel like I’ve not found my people yet and never quite in the right place at the right time.

I do go to the gym and do classes there but it’s all older ladies who are lovely but more my mum’s age! My husband works long hours and lots of travel so no opportunity to go at different times when it’s more likely to be people more my age.

Sorry you feel that way @TheThursdayClub.

Its hard to make friends as an adult, often it can be more situational.

It takes time to build up friendships so maybe keep trying with the other mums. Look for someone you feel a bit of warmth /interest from and try and build it up with them.

Do you work?

With the husbands partners can you mute them on social media? I find it too much sometimes seeing people meeting all the time without you and don't think it's very healthy. Better just not to know what they are up to.

@Growingaseed thank you, i will
keep making an effort with the other mums and see what happens.

I don’t work and my child doesn’t go to nursery either so so opportunity for a social circle there.

that’s a good idea about social media and I think I will probably come off it all together now as I only use it to be nosy these days anyway!

oh gosh, it’s hard when you worry about friendships and feel like you’re the one making all the effort. I’ve been like this recently as friends have moved away and one fell-out with me. I overthink my friendships and worry if I’m “enough” solidarity.
im going to join some groups (keep saying this) and enjoy more light-hearted company