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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being silly to continue dating?

6 replies

Frenchie909 · 17/05/2026 20:00

I came out of an 10 year relationship last year with a lot of coercive control and just a miserable situation to be honest. I felt like it was over for a long time and I've dated a few people since. I have recently met someone that I initially thought would never be interested in me, out of a similarly long marriage and I thought would just be a casual thing so we slept together very quickly. I thought it would just be sex. But he's been in almost communication since, opening up to each other and going on actual dates along with mind blowing sex. Trying to just enjoy for what it is and have a great time after such a bad relationship. I'm also trying to be aware not to get attached but obviously feeling things when I'm with him and it's amazing.. friends think I'm stupid but is there any way I can keep going with this whole thing being aware it could end abruptly or would you just stop now? He's actually done nothing to make me think he'd hurt me, I'm just very cautious

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 17/05/2026 20:20

How long is it since his relationship ended?

You don't really have too make a long term decision now in either direction. Enjoy the dates, enjoy the sex, don't lose yourself in the relationship - whatever it is and just have fun.

As I say to my (adult) children, all you need to think about right now is whether you want to see him again. If you do, then do. If you don't, then don't.

AtBeaverGoat · 17/05/2026 20:21

You have met someone and are having a good time, what is the problem?

Frenchie909 · 17/05/2026 20:34

Thank you both, I'm having a great time, think I'm just scared. But also trying to remind myself that no one I date is a guarantee and just trying to enjoy

@GreyCarpet thanks thats great advice, he is also 6 months out but difference between us is that I ended my relationship whereas his wife ended it and he likely would've tried for longer

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 17/05/2026 20:47

Lots of people would stay and try for longer.

You said yourself that your relationship was over long before you split up but you stayed.

People make all sorts of decisions in these situations.

Keep your wits about you and don't ignore actual concerns but don't stop yourself from enjoying something while you are enjoying it!

Frenchie909 · 17/05/2026 21:13

GreyCarpet · 17/05/2026 20:47

Lots of people would stay and try for longer.

You said yourself that your relationship was over long before you split up but you stayed.

People make all sorts of decisions in these situations.

Keep your wits about you and don't ignore actual concerns but don't stop yourself from enjoying something while you are enjoying it!

Thank you!

OP posts:
GeoffTrotsky · 17/05/2026 21:38

It's no wonder that you're scared, but your friends opinions are neither here nor there.
Enjoy what is in front of you and pay attention to what is happening-
Unless he is a very strange person he is as scared as you are- I know I would be in his place and if you are surprised he is interested in you he may well be the same way about you being interested in him.

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