Is my friend with benefits blurring the lines with increased intimacy?

[itsgivingcatladyvibes]

Morning everyone,

I have a friend with benefits. I know some don’t like the term but that’s what it is, we are friends foremost who occasionally meet for sex. It works for both of us. After sex he likes to cuddle, I’m not a massive cuddler after the deed, never have been but he loves to lie next to me and cuddle me into him.

However, our most recent hook up a couple of weeks ago was slightly different. Afterwards, he lay on me and put his head on my chest just under my neck, wrapped his arms under me and kept snuggling his head into me. It felt more intimate than the sex we had just had. I must admit it felt lovely, a connection I have never had in any of my previous relationships. I wouldn’t have initiated this sort of contact on account of our FWB relationship as I feel it crosses into more than just a casual thing.

Is he blurring the lines? We speak almost every day, he initiates every text and phone call. He calls me for the most random chats, I do think at times he just wants to hear my voice.

Just after a bit of advice really. I’ve never had a FWB before so I’m not sure if this is common or the done thing.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday ❤️

Does he think you are FWB too?

There's nothing wrong with blurring the boundary if it's what you both want.

It sounds like it's already more if you speak all the time. It's possible he has feelings for you. How do you feel about that? Would you be interested in taking it further?

Some people don't like calling a relationship a relationship as that would mean being exclusive. This is what this sounds like?

Those things alone don’t mean very much alone. They feel nice in the moment, I wouldn’t say that’s blurring the lines as even causal encounters don’t tend be literally sex and jump up and leave.

I think with men if they want something more than casual they will tell you so very clearly, although I know others will disagree with that.

I think you need to make your mind up as to where you want this to go and be frank with him. He clearly thinks it’s developing into a ‘relationship’ and not just an occasional no strings bonk. The ball’s in your court but it’s unfair not to set out in clear terms what you want. Good luck.

Thanks for your reply.

We agreed from the beginning it was FWB but as the time has passed he seems to be getting closer.

I’m not looking for a relationship and to be honest if I was I’m not sure he would be the right one for me. I feel bad for saying that because he is a great guy but not someone I would settle with.

Would you prefer if he just zipped himself up and left? No boundary crossed as you both have not agreed any

Sounds as though he isn't suited to a FWB relationships. He seems too warm a person to be hard nosed enough for that type of relationship.

I think you need another conversation to tell him this will only be a FWB. He’s caught feelings. It’ll end up getting messy so I’d be out at this point.

‘I feel bad for saying that because he is a great guy but not someone I would settle with’

There is no difference between what you described and what is a normal relationship, he is putting in a lot of energy into being with you and spending time with you. The affection is there, and he wants to be with you all the time.

If this is not what you want, you need to reinforce this - don't string along what sounds like a lovely man. He deserves better, and he deserves someone who is willing to settle down with him.

What do you want?

I've had FWB in the past. I've seen through my years on MN lots of users try to tell you it's a relationship really. It isn't, if you've got a clear agreement about your meets.

Imo cuddling afterwards doesn't blur the lines. Daily texting doesn't blur the lines.

Him initiating everything tells me he's more into you than you are him. How would he react if you told him you have more than 1 FWB?

Have a frank conversation with him about your concerns and be prepared to end your friendship if he's wanting more than you are.

Good luck.

I think he sounds lovely, and from your description it does sound as though he’s got feelings for you. Perhaps he’s realised he would like more but daren’t mention it.

I do think if it’s something you don’t want, you need to discuss it with ASAP so he doesn’t get his hopes up and get hurt even more.

Your description of your response to his affection suggests you may be ok if this progressed into warmer territory. Good luck whatever happens.

Ah, this can be the problem with fwbs.

Unfortunately, when you are genuine fwb (actual friends) it's not uncommon for one party to develop feelings because you are already close and actually.like each other.

I've had a few fwbs and in every case it's been them who wanted it to become more but there was always something about them that meant I knew it wouldn't work as an actual relationship (things that men don't often consider if they catch feelings).