Is it normal not to remember details about past relationships?

[LadyQueenofScots]

Is it normal to forget this...

There is a lot more to this story but I am just looking to see whether it is normal for me to remember these details...

My husband (been together 15 years) asked me how I met my ex partner. I explained to him how we met but he then wanted to know who initiated conversation first.
I genuially cannot remember who said hello first. He says this is weird that I cant remember and thinks im either hiding something or being economical with thr truth. Bearing in mind I met my ex over 20 years ago.

Another example is him asking for a timeline of partners I had before him and after my ex. I cant remember an exact timeline. Again this means (to my husband) im either lying or being economical with what im telling him.

I done a horrible thing when I was in my early 20s. I slept with someone I shouldn't have. I am ashamed and disgusted with myself. My husband knows what happened but it is regularly brought up. He says if I could do something like that before I could do it again. He also says that if I was deceitful like that then I could be like that again.

I have never gave him any reason to question my fidelity. I am loyal and trustworthy.

It is beginning to wear me down. It is so draining.

Is he right to question my loyality towards him and is he right to find it strange that I cant remember these "key details"?

Your memory isn’t the problem here, OP? Is this really how you want to live?

Your past relationships are nothing to do with him. As pp said, your memory isn't the problem!

Your current husband is a walking red flag 😕

Agree with previous poster - it’s not remembering previous relationships that’s the issue here. The problem is staring you in the face.
Your husband sounds controlling.
Lets face it, we’ve all got a past but it’s history and no longer a part of your life.

I hope you get the help and support you need to overcome this relationship

Please have a read of this, OP. He's mentally ill.

https://mentalhealthhotline.org/retroactive-jealousy/

It's normal not to remember exact details. I remember things like, we were all part of the same social group a year or so after graduation or we had worked for the same company, or whatever - but who spoke to the other first is really detailed that I might not even know the next day after I met someone, let alone more than 2 decades on. And I generally have a better than average memory.

Unless you're teenagers, pretty much everyone is going to have a history of some sort. Plenty of us have done things we wouldn't repeat if we had that time again. This is all normal.

He doesn't trust you, though. That's the issue you have.

Your husband is an insecure arse. WTAF this is pathetic and draining for you?
Has he got nothing better to do, tell him once and for all you're not going to keep having these conversations, if he doesn'tlike it he knows what he can do and leave. 💕

What is the need for husbamd to drag up the last?
The gulit trip or him having simethong over you?
Not this again...say that then Ignore.
Husbands a moron.

Jeez there are a couple relationships (not long lasting but a few weeks) and I have to really think of their names let alone who talked to who first! He’s being ridiculous.

What's not normal is your husband.

Why does he care? It was years ago and not relevant anymore.

I think your focus is in the wrong place - forget your memory and start asking why he’s so intensely interested in these tiny details from yonks ago. It’s not normal.

Love it when the first post nails it

Toxic jealousy is both very damaging and intensely boring. Tell him to get some therapy if he’s unable to enjoy life with you. His issue to sort out.

Why is he suddenly asking now? Any other changes in his behaviour? Sometimes cheats try to deflect.
But I couldn't live like this. Hard as it would be I'd be off.

I think not remembering who said hello first 20 years ago is normal and I’m saying it as a person with good memory.
However it’s not the real problem here. Your DH sounds at least controlling but tbh more mentally ill.

Get your ducks in a row and LTB.
It's no way to live.

Oh no, has he been like this the whole time or is it recent? If you’ve been living like this for 15 years I’m wondering what else is going on. The fact he keeps holding something over you that you’d rather forget is very worrying indeed and I’m thinking that you might be so deep into this that you don’t recognise that he’s generally controlling and manipulative. Is this the only red flag?

I have control issues , jealousy and retroactive jealousy. I went through a bad phase but am managing it now. It’s a really big problem in a relationship.

We have couples therapy for it and it’s really hard but helping. Would your dh agree to therapy or is not admitting he has a problem?

As PPs have said, your H is the problem, not your memory. And it’s not unusual to forget the details you mention. DH and I met at work 25 years ago. We both remember how we reacted on being introduced (DH was a new joiner; we both did a double take) but we disagree about where we were in the office when the introduction took place 😀!