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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Confused about what I should do

7 replies

ConfusedAF112344 · 16/05/2026 19:26

Myself F/34 and my partner M/34 have been together for 3 years, we have a 9 month old together and I have 2 children from a previous relationship.

Partner works 13 hour days and has weekends off, whilst I look after the children, run the home etc. when he gets home from work he has dinner that I’ve made and then baths our 9 month old and puts her bed. Then goes to bed himself. Weekends we share parenting.

I’ve been asking to feel appreciated and for the little things to show love for over a year. Nothing changes. So we’re forever having conversations that now turn into arguments about it.

My partner is fed up of the busy lifestyle without getting any down time. He said his tired from work and doesn’t want to have to come home and help. He also wants time at weekends to go and do what he wants.

He has given me empty promises and false hope about making changes for so long, I’m tired. He says he’ll do something and doesn’t do it. Now I’m at a point where I don’t believe anything he says.

We are also never intimate, he always has different excuses as to why. But he will happily stay downstairs and watch things online to get pleasure from. While I’m in bed wondering what’s wrong with me and why he doesn’t want me.

What would you do in my situation?

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 16/05/2026 19:41

Leave?

Blueeyedmale · 16/05/2026 20:02

This was exactly like me op working 12 hour shifts day in day out trying to provide for my partner and son, and I didn't really think about how my partner and son were feeling and the impact it had on them, the end result was her cheating and finding someone else and getting pregnant but another man, now I'm not for one minute condoning her behavior but looking back now, there are so many things I could have done better to make an effort in that relationship. Is there any flexibility in working hours op maybe if he can reduce his hours you can spend some more time together? If he isn't prepared to put the effort in then sadly it won't end well.

ConfusedAF112344 · 16/05/2026 20:38

Blueeyedmale · 16/05/2026 20:02

This was exactly like me op working 12 hour shifts day in day out trying to provide for my partner and son, and I didn't really think about how my partner and son were feeling and the impact it had on them, the end result was her cheating and finding someone else and getting pregnant but another man, now I'm not for one minute condoning her behavior but looking back now, there are so many things I could have done better to make an effort in that relationship. Is there any flexibility in working hours op maybe if he can reduce his hours you can spend some more time together? If he isn't prepared to put the effort in then sadly it won't end well.

Oh wow, I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you.
unfortunately he can’t reduce hours at work. It sad because I do everything I can to make his life as easy as possible but I just get the blame for everything, if my mood is off slightly from being exhausted, if I ask to feel loved and appreciated etc. He only seems to worry about himself because he works a lot.

OP posts:
Blueeyedmale · 16/05/2026 20:48

ConfusedAF112344 · 16/05/2026 20:38

Oh wow, I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you.
unfortunately he can’t reduce hours at work. It sad because I do everything I can to make his life as easy as possible but I just get the blame for everything, if my mood is off slightly from being exhausted, if I ask to feel loved and appreciated etc. He only seems to worry about himself because he works a lot.

It really sounds like you have tried everything and I'm not surprised you feel absolutely exhausted at times, it does seem that his behavior is somewhat selfish op, especially when he wants to do his own thing at weekends, when the priority should he spending time with you and your children. In this case op I would seriously consider ending this relationship for the sake of your mental health and your children's futures. I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide.

CharlieEffie · 16/05/2026 20:49

If he doesnt want to help out and wants free weekends than he shouldn't have had a baby with you. Honestly it doesnt sound like your getting anything from this relationship and he isnt willing to change so i would leave

DurinsBane · 17/05/2026 00:36

ConfusedAF112344 · 16/05/2026 20:38

Oh wow, I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you.
unfortunately he can’t reduce hours at work. It sad because I do everything I can to make his life as easy as possible but I just get the blame for everything, if my mood is off slightly from being exhausted, if I ask to feel loved and appreciated etc. He only seems to worry about himself because he works a lot.

Is he working 13 hours a day 5 days a week?

Neverenoughfor · 17/05/2026 01:22

13 hour days 5 days a week? Wow that’s exhausting in itself. What time is he home at to be bathing baby? Can he cut his hours down or find a new job? Or maybe you get a part time job so he can cut back and help more at home? His hours are the problem and it doesn’t sound like he gets any downtime either. If it was me I’d have everything done and kids sorted before that time but at weekends I’d expect 50/50.
is he financially supporting your children too?

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