Kids dad has relapsed on cocaine

[Anom88]

Father of my 2 young kids and stepdad to my teen has relapsed on cocaine again.

I left the family home 1.5 years ago with my kids and was put into temporary accommodation and now thankfully have a long term stable home. He was dealing drugs and I found drugs laying around the house numerous times. After years of lies and relapses I left for the kids safety and for my sanity.

Fast forward to now he had been doing so well. I started allowing unsupervised contact and we even went on holiday as a family. He was clean 1 year. I was so proud and considering giving our relationship another go.

I went to collect my kids from his one morning last week. Him and the kids were asleep on the couch.. they were in pjs, nappies full of pee and the house was a mess. I walked through to the kitchen and found a plate with lines of cocaine on the top shelf. I also seen powder residue on his dining table.

I’m absolutely heartbroken, angry, all the emotions! It turns out he’s been using for months… I removed the kids and told him they will not be back to his house and all contact will be supervised until he sorts his shit out. I recently started a new job and relied on hi. Helping with pick ups and the odd nightshift. I had a meeting with my boss yesterday and thankfully they have managed to change my role and hours so I can do all drop off and pick ups from nursery.

I don’t know why I’m posting I think I just need to vent. I made a post on here over a year ago and had a lot of people telling me to leave.. well I did and now he has put my kids in danger again.. I don’t think I can ever go back now.. thanks for reading

Jesus @Anom88 that sounds devastating for you I’m so sorry.

You sound incredibly strong in pulling back and protecting your children. I hope you can get to a better place with this situation you don’t deserve any of this.

I don’t think you can risk him having the kids again, even if he sorts himself out as relapse is so common. And if he’s been using for a few months, it’s clear that he won’t tell you and your kids are at significant risk staying with him. I’m glad nothing worse happened than soaking nappies. He’d not have been able to act as a responsible adult if one of the kids had fallen ill, a fire broke out or in any other situation that requires swift action.

So he never got clean, he just got better at hiding it. He'll learn from this, but only to be more devious. You can not leave your kids with him if you want them to be physically and mentally safe.

You absolutely cannot go by his word alone, had he ever taken any drug tests in front of you?

I’m sorry you are going through this difficult time 😔

I remember that someone told me; don’t ask why the drugs, ask why the pain. no excuse but sounds like he is suffering.

@SwatTheTwit yeah I used to drug test him frequently when I was with him… usually failed and would still deny using.

@Mayflower282 yes very true but I’ve tried supporting him for so long I’m exhausted. The lies are so hard to deal with. I love him but I love my kids more. I know I can’t continue like this.

@Anom88 he still should have been tested prior to having the kids, unfortunately addicts are the best liars.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, hopefully now that he’s lost his children again it might be the wake up call he needs. He needs rehab.

@SwatTheTwit he does need rehab but I don’t think he will go. I can’t mother him anymore, he needs to want to change. Thanks for your advice.

You are right the change needs to come from him

Is he involved with any charities who can help support him mentally

@Anom88 no worries, PM me if you ever need to talk. All the best 💗

Well done for being so strong and acting immediately to safeguard your children. If they managed to get to the drugs it really doesn’t bear thinking about. I’m sorry but I really wouldn’t be trusting him here.
and to the PP who say about his pain - I personally wouldn’t give a flying fuck about his pain. He knowingly placed his two very young children in harms way, he could’ve killed them very easily if they had ingested drugs or there had been an accident or fire. How about he starts worrying about them.

It's what addicts do.

I was so proud and considering giving our relationship another go

That's depressing, maybe this came just in time to stop you from making a big mistake after getting as far as a safe house for your children and you.

If he wants to see his children going forward he should go through the courts and all contact at a contact centre . Let him decide what is more important to him. You gave him a chance and he blew it letting both himself and you people as his family down No further informal arrangements should be made between you and he.

I agree. There's also the point in the OP where he'd been dealing! Boo fucking hoo to the pain of a drug dealer.

Absolutely this.

Do not facilitate anything. Well done on acting to protect your children which you must continue to do.

I am so sorry he couldn’t put his kids first .

luckily your children have a wonderful brave mum who will !!!

I think you aloud revise your standing to all contact will be supervised forever

I'm so sorry, I can imagine how let down, angry and disappointed you must feel after giving him so much support and taking pride in what you thought was his recovery. Whatever his problems, putting your children at risk is unforgivable 😔

You are right to only allow supervised contact from now on - preferably at a children's centre supervised by social workers. I'm glad your work has been able to be flexible so that you can work around drop offs etc. I hope you've got some support from family and friends too.

You sound like a strong woman and a fantastic mum 💐

@Endofyear thank you ❤️ unfortunately family aren’t very helpful. My wee ones are young and my son has ASD so they get a bit overwhelmed watching them but it’s understandable.

@OrlandointheWilderness thanks. Yes you’re right he needs to start putting the kids need before his own. I understand addiction and how hard it can be but he doesn’t help himself. I fear he will continue to relapse until he dies. He lies so much that it’s normal for him now. I really had some hope after 1 year sober but he’s back to square one.

Sadly, addicts lie and lie and lie.
Some get clean. Some go to rehab and walk out into the nearest pub or dealer.
While he is technically a father he is no longer a dad.
Whether you love him or not no longer matters - he is a danger to you and your children and to be quite frank, yes, the drugs could kill him. And the decline is painful for anyone to witness.
Your children need their mum. The men you fell in love with no longer exists. The fact that he lied about being sober and getting you back into his life is so very selfish.
Having drugs in the home, and dealing them, with his children there is the ultimate red line.
I know it’s hard but you have to let him go for the simple reason that he’s already gone.