I dont know why I'm doing this anymore.

[Alexaplaymusic]

Husband works 7 days a week. High earner but insists on concealing income from me (yes, I know its financial abuse - he says its a cultural thing).

He's nearly 60, refuses to do any joint financial planning with me, and to make things worse, has opted out of emotionally & physically parenting 2 teenage slightly neurodiverse (diagnosed) teenage Dc's.

He doesn't even want to take & collect DC1 from his hobby Sunday am. He's told me he has to work.
Then he complains about paying for a cleaner.
I told him I dont exist to stay in the house except for shopping because you work 7 days a week.

I want to tell him that I dont know why im doing this anymore. He's not agrophobic, he refuses to even walk down to the shop to buy milk for his tea - he's working from home every day.
He wont even buy light bulbs.
The kids come to me for everything: emotional & otherwise.
We urgently need house repairs done and he says we're lucky to have a house. I know we are, it needs to be a safe house without broken paving stones.
I sort out stuff like that cos he refuses to.

I'm totally fed up.

So where’s his income? Is it saved, have you seen this? Or is it spent? Does he gamble?

Private education as one child needs quieter classes

So after he’s paid for private education and his half of the bills, does this equal close to your income?

Do you work? If you don’t tell him you’re not prepared to live in a hovel - and if he won’t sort it you will.
dont be drawn into a debate- if he won’t discuss with you as an equal tell him you don’t give a fuck anymore and will rinse him in the divorce courts. He sounds like a shit man.

Great that you are married. Now take his arse to the cleaners, hire a shit-hot lawyer, get half of his money and enjoy your new life with your children

Do you work? Private education is a huge expense and having that over him will cause stress and frustration if you are not contributing financially.

Something to talk about with him.

What do you get out of this relationship now?. What’s still in this for you?.

Such types do not talk, they instead expect everyone else to fit in around them. To him you’re an employee.

I would seek legal advice with a view to divorcing your workaholic misery of a husband.

This is also no role model of a relationship to fe showing your kids as they could well go onto repeat similar for themselves.

He hides his money but spends it on privately educating your neuro diverse children?

Am confused!

I would get legal advice. 💐

It sounds as though have come to the end of your tether. I can't see what your husband is contributing to your marriage, apart from school fees.Do you still have any feelings for him at all and does he for you? If not l'd be seeking legal advice with a view to divorce. It's hard and depressing work having to push and push for any kind of involvement or interest in family life which you say he has no part in, and also your children will definitely be affected by his behaviour.

I fell asleep. I told the kids I'm too tired to go out with them this morning & dad will have to take them.
He puts his earnings into a separate bank account (accounts?) that ive never seen. I've asked him.
I think he's possessive and not caring towards me.
He won't collect prescriptions for me - the chemist is open till 8pm.

Have you asked him about his bank accounts?

He doesn't want to talk about them. Whenever I mention it he looks ill.

Go to a solicitor and start divorce proceedings asap.

Don’t raise children in a household with a person like him. They in turn will go on to accept bad marriages from abusers because they think it’s normal.

Get divorced and be clear with your kids “we do not stay married to people who are cruel to us”.

And have a hunt in his drawers for paperwork and payslips. Take pictures of them.

I've realised he's possessive, not protective of me.

What do you want to achieve by posting here?

The only way you’ll find out about his finances, especially investments and pensions - is to initiate divorce proceedings.

You will need a family solicitor with extensive experience in dealing with men who hide their money, and probably a forensic accountant as well.

Whats your own financial situation - do you work, do you have savings?

To have someone process this for me so i can put 2 and 2 together.

How will she pay for this ‘shit hot lawyer?’

With his money after the divorce, presumably. They can take their pay from the pot at the end.

No she’ll have to pay some fees before the divorce is finalised. The lawyers might agree to defer some of it though. But if he’s wealthy he can try and bleed her dry by dragging things out until she has run out of cash. Unfortunately I’ve seen it too many times.

This is another thing I'm worried about. It happened to someone I know. The money got spent on solicitors & court. Still some money left but not as much as she hoped.

I spoke to a solicitor two years ago & nearly started the divorce process.
Looking over my notes, he hasn't really changed.
Its ok as long as I dont ask/do anything he doesn't want me to - eg. Pension planning. He's 55.

When is enough enough?