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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband annoyed by lack of sex?

10 replies

MummyB2940 · 15/05/2026 12:02

My husband has always had quite a high sex drive, and i did too at the start of our relationship but it tailed off the longer we were together. Before we had our daughter 2 years ago we would do it maybe twice a week but its been 2 months now as my daughter went through a weird sleep regression and refuses to sleep in her own bed (it may also be a bit my fault as i gave up due to being sleep deprived and brought her in with me). It has been about 3 months and I am super stressed and depressed due to this. I work full time and have her once a week and at the weekend so the only time I really have to myself is her 1.5 hour naps 3 times a week. I have no motivation to do anything other than doom scroll on the couch.

We are on annual leave this week and my daughter is at nursery today so I suggested we take the chance and he said no, as it makes it harder knowing that it'll probably be another 2 months. He thinks we should be finding other time to fit it in but I just dont have any sex drive, and dont want to force myself just to keep him happy. He says it really affects him mentally and he thinks about it every day. He leaves the room when I change etc as he says he can't look at me with no clothes on as it makes it worse. He says he's just trying to explain how he feels but I feel like he's trying to 'punish' me a bit by saying no.

He has some long term health issues which leads to him being pretty short tempered most days which I feel is impacting how I feel towards him, I always feel like im walking on eggshells and I suppose this has affected how often I want to be intimate. I have explained this to him and he tries for a bit but it usually goes back to how it was before.

I dont know if im looking for advice or just solidarity, or reassurance that my relationship is actually worth saving?

Is it also weird that I actually did feel a bit relieved that he said no?

OP posts:
TimeForWineAndSun · 15/05/2026 12:07

Hmm. I kind of get what he means. My DH never wants sex with me either. I have stopped initiating. I have stopped eyeing him up. I have stopped hugging him or initiating kisses. We are older, and everything else is good between us, so I won't be leaving over it or cheating, but in your shoes I'd be concerned that he is backing away and that this could lead to him finding someone else. I know it's hard with small children, but I'd try to get your sex life back on track before it's too late.

HenDoNot · 15/05/2026 12:12

my daughter is at nursery today so I suggested we take the chance

TBH if you suggested it like that, with no build up, you’ve made it sound like it’s another chore you want to tick off your list for the day. I’m not surprised he wasn’t interested.

Sparrowsandbudgies · 15/05/2026 12:15

How much of the load re your dd not sleeping has he taken on? Is it just you suffering the lack of sleep? If so it’s no wonder he’s raring to go and sex is the last thing you’re interested in.

MummyB2940 · 15/05/2026 12:40

Sparrowsandbudgies · 15/05/2026 12:15

How much of the load re your dd not sleeping has he taken on? Is it just you suffering the lack of sleep? If so it’s no wonder he’s raring to go and sex is the last thing you’re interested in.

He sleeps in the living room so that we 'can have space'. I do all the night wake ups and have done since we got the hang of breastfeeding at about 2 weeks.

OP posts:
MummyB2940 · 15/05/2026 12:41

HenDoNot · 15/05/2026 12:12

my daughter is at nursery today so I suggested we take the chance

TBH if you suggested it like that, with no build up, you’ve made it sound like it’s another chore you want to tick off your list for the day. I’m not surprised he wasn’t interested.

Unfortunately when there's a toddler in the picture it can be necessary to 'schedule' time, it was even an option he suggested before...

OP posts:
goodThingGonewrong · 15/05/2026 12:44

I think he was quite petulant to decline sex in that way. You were trying to meet his needs but it seems he doesn’t see any of your needs. Maybe if you are both still home and child free I would suggest you have a conversation about this and try find a way forward.

cadburyegg · 15/05/2026 12:49

Is he an equal parent?

Sparrowsandbudgies · 15/05/2026 14:13

MummyB2940 · 15/05/2026 12:40

He sleeps in the living room so that we 'can have space'. I do all the night wake ups and have done since we got the hang of breastfeeding at about 2 weeks.

I suspected as much. No wonder you don’t feel like having sex! The resentment must be huge.

Jas683 · 16/05/2026 00:20

MummyB2940 · 15/05/2026 12:41

Unfortunately when there's a toddler in the picture it can be necessary to 'schedule' time, it was even an option he suggested before...

I totally agree.

Being spontaneous with young children doesn't always mix well.

WiltedLettuce · Yesterday 15:15

Maybe suggest to him that he does his fair share of the night wakings and childcare, and then you can reassess how you both feel?

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