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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Girlfriend wants space but says she still wants the relationship

7 replies

OneBusyUmberDuck · 15/05/2026 09:57

Hi people, english isnt my main language so forgive me.

Im in a weird situation for over a month now, been dating my gf for a while, we clicked instantly and got together, met each others friends and family and hanged out alot, everything was good until a month ago where she started saying she think she wants to break up, I was aware she had some BPD problems and Ive dealt with few episodes but now its really bad, she thinks she cant give me the love and attention that I seek, she wants to become more independed and she believes shes not over her ex, their relationship lasted 2.5 years, Ive been trying to be supportive of her and doing all the things she asks of me since it happened, from talking less to not seeing each other, everytime we have somekind of talk she says she wants to be with me but thinks its not healthy, that I agree with, I did offer many solutions, even going to therapy (paid by me) so she can work on those problems where as of last talk she said she would consider that option, we havent talked in about 2 weeks, no text or calls, she does interact with my stories I post when I go somewhere and we do have each others location, while doing some research Ive come to conclusion she has avoidant attachment issues, while me myself have anxious attachment issues, I do keep mine mostly under control but its also been eating at me, Im confused at what to do and how to aproach her, Ive tried many things to help her out or just be support but this is the highest it came to, from what she told me her friends are supportive of her decision even tho they would rather tell her she stays with me cus "they see good in me", Im the type of person who fights for the relationship and even tho this hurts me I dont wanna break up with her, I even told her the months ago that the only way Im leaving is if she cheats cus thats something I cant tolerate. Ive left some details out but if theyre necesery Ill add to it, I do see good in her and months before this everything was great. Any and all advice is welcomed.

OP posts:
GasperyJacquesRoberts · 15/05/2026 11:06

If she has BPD then this kind of "pull you in then push you away" behaviour is par for the course. You may find the book Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger helpful.

MoFadaCromulent · 15/05/2026 11:29

It's not healthy and it's not fair on you.

Move on and find someone else

Idontjetwashthefucker · 15/05/2026 15:52

How long have you been seeing each other?

UpDownAllAround1 · 15/05/2026 17:18

Sorry but time to move on. She has tried to end things and I would believe her

OneBusyUmberDuck · 15/05/2026 22:17

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 15/05/2026 11:06

If she has BPD then this kind of "pull you in then push you away" behaviour is par for the course. You may find the book Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger helpful.

Will read it, thanks for recommendation

OP posts:
ReallyOtter · 15/05/2026 22:19

Leave and do not look back

OneBusyUmberDuck · 15/05/2026 22:20

Idontjetwashthefucker · 15/05/2026 15:52

How long have you been seeing each other?

Almost a year, things have been good for good part of it, only last 2 months have been the problem

OP posts:
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