Ex says ending our relationship was a mistake after five weeks apart

[Betty1305]

I split with my husband 5 weeks ago. We had already agreed to live separately after our blended family life situation just did not work. We were going to continue our relationship though, or so I believed. But he changed his mind after the house was sold. I felt heartbroken and I felt that he had not been truthful about his intentions.
I decided to go no contact as I knew that I’d need that to begin with. So I’ve had no communication with him at all within those 5 weeks. It’s been hard and I’ve wanted to reach out to him but I thought it would only cause me more pain.
Yesterday, out of the blue, he text me saying he had tried not to break the no contact I’d asked for but he feels ending our relationship was a mistake, he still loves me and misses me. He said no pressure and if I don’t respond then he will respect my decision.
I feel confused and torn. I still love him. But he’s hurt me, and our relationship needs a lot of work. I don’t know what to do.

It sounds like he wants to keep his options open and have things on his terms. Why don't you suggest you both check in after six months?

He thought the girl at work/the gym flirting with him was an actual option. Now he realises neither her, nor anyone else wants to fuck him he's decided you're better than nothing.

Did he mistakenly assume that the decision to separate the households meant ending the relationship between the two of you, or did he agree to the arrangement of living separately but continuing the relationship and then suddenly made the decision on his own to end it? If it's the first I might consider talking with him (if the relationship otherwise seemed viable and worth saving) but with a focus on substantially improving communication. If it's the latter, I doubt I'd be able to trust him again.

You knew the breakup would be hard and that's why you went no contact, both to heal faster and so you would not be pulled back in when you naturally went through periods of missing him, questioning your decision, wondering "what it?", etc. He's experiencing that now too, but if he's decided on his own to just walk away once, why wouldn't he again the next time he feels the bad is outweighing the good? Unless he has a MUCH better explanation of WHY he really wanted to end the relationship (as distinct from the living arrangements) and WHY he has now changed his mind, I'd pass - almost everyone misses their ex five weeks after the breakup and most of those people push through those feelings and get on with their lives and moving forward.

Sounds like he is making it look like you are the one who made the decision to end the relationship and not him.

If someone truly loves you. They will show you that they love you.
I wouldnt go back. Someone nicer will come along.

He's realised it was a mistake? Realised he has do all his own cooking, laundry and housework, more like. And he's discovered that it isn't as easy to find someone else as he thought it would be.

Unfortunately I would assume that he either thought he had another woman lined up and has found that he doesn’t, or he doesn’t like having to live alone and the work that that entails.

There’s a meme on Instagram about the percentages between men and women in heterosexual relationships, and for every percentage point that men benefit, women are disadvantaged- and it’s quite stark. Men can easily end up as time-and-energy vampires, with loads of free time to do their hobbies and enjoy life while their wife ends up using all her energy on making his life easier, doing the chores and the thinking and planning about the household.

Ask yourself whether your relationship was equal in its energy exchange. You might find the answer to what he’s thinking in that.