Should I discuss having a baby, or leave things as they are?

[WhenPlansChange]

So I came out of a LTR a couple of years ago, met my partner over a year ago, things are really good. We both have children from past relationships. I struggled with infertility for years and sort of dealt with emotionally that I would never have any more. DP also didn't want any more children, so all good.

When we started the relationship DP was adamant he didnt want any more and I was convinced I was done due to past struggles.

Nor recently hes made a few comments like if we had met 10 years before, we would have had kids, and some comments that has made me think he is rethinking things. Now I know we havent been together long, we dont live together but its the plan in the future, but the more comments he makes the more i am thinking maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing, our views are so aligned in raising our children, its scary sometimes how much we think alike.

My worry is,

1. I never wanted children with different dads, I know it sounds silly but me and my brother did and due to this we had different upbringings completely, I think its some envy from my part.
2. I am not getting any younger and my DS will be moving out in a few years so might be some empty nest feelings starting
3. I dont think I could cope with the emotional heartbreak of the infertility again.

I was with my ex for 15 years so we did know each other well (he wasnt great but i knew him)

I think my question is do I let sleeping dogs lie or be open should it arise in time?

How old are you/ your kids?

Do you actually want another child? You’ve said “it wouldn’t be the worst thing” and your views align, but that’s a long way from actively wanting to have and bring up another child. Especially with the complications of a blended family.

In your shoes I’d say if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Im late 30s, so time is a factor. Our children are all teenagers.

Definitely thinking if it isnt broke dont fix it, but realistically i know I could do it again as I always wanted a big family, love being a mum more than anything. Even during the harder days, I love every second of being a parent.

Deep down i have always wanted more children, it just didn't happen so I just believed it wouldn't and I am happy with my DS.

I think its more food for thought.

Ooft, I deffo wouldn’t. You’re about to get your freedom back. Spend the thousands and thousands of pounds a baby would cost on travelling, restaurants and fun.

I would not have more children though I’m in a similar position to you but have been with partner 6 years. You are in the honeymoon phase, everything is good and your relationship has likely not been tested yet.
Also with teenagers, I would not move in yet as even if your son is going to uni they do come back ( summer hold last 4 months!). You are approaching a time when you can go away with your partner alone in term time ( we do this often). It’s lovely going away child free. I often do think if I met my partner 10 years ago that I’d love to have kids with him however that’s not the reality. I really would stress this is the honeymoon period for you. This year my relationship has been tested by me having one emergency surgery and one coming up, my partners mum being diagnosed by dementia, him being diagnosed with a health issue, my dad getting Parkinson’s. This is what your late 40’s may look like. My partner and I are becoming caregivers to our parents so I would not throw a baby in the mix. Enjoy your 40’s before life throws unpredictable stuff at you! And yes it’s tested us, we can be short and thoughtless with our words as we have so much pressure but our relationship is strong now so we just have to weather these storms,

personally I’d have a discussion and see where his head is at if there’s a possibility you would be open to it, and feel
its something you might want. Rather than never know and look back thinking what if ?

yes people will say don’t do it as your children are grieving up daycare but equally there are many people who meet new partners in late 30s and go on to have more and don’t regret it

a conversation is not committing either of you - it’s simply about understanding and exploring both of your feelings

Late 30s can be your hormones talking, making you feel you should have a baby, last chance saloon

Melancoly is a wonderful thing. We could have, might have. But you both have children. But it doesn't necessarily mean that you and your partner have to have children. He's just saying. I wish I'd met you earlier, then we could have had children together (before the other children came along) and it would have worked out ok. We'd still be together,
We all wish what might have been. But the real world says different.
I think you are over analysing.