Cheating partner

[Babe9876]

So my partner of 5 years went out with mates to a private club in London. He told me some women had come up and had drinks with them. One “beautiful” woman “sat on his knee”. He said nothing more. I got suspicious with his behaviour and making further plans to go out in London. So I did see his wattsapp messages to this woman and they have been a bit flirty and now they have organised to meet up, just the 2 of them for a fancy lunch. Im really torn as to what to do. I’d love to confront him but then I loose risking the home and family we have built but equally I know he shouldn’t be treating me like this. Any thoughts on what I can do? He is leaving today for a work event and then staying in London and returning only tomorrow afternoon. I did say “let’s do something together tomorrow” upon which he said he had work meetings. What happens if he then sleeps with her?

You're either a doormat or you're not. Forget the house and family, he clearly has.

How can you still want him when he's actively on the hunt for something more?

You know where they’re meeting. Turn up there for lunch yourself. Once you see it with your own eyes, you’ll believe it. Then walk away. Fidelity and respect is the bare minimum in a relationship. He’s giving you neither. You deserve more.

OP seriously get a grip! Forget the home and life you have built together this guy is twat!
Your only choice here is if you're willing to be his door mat or not? If not then get your ducks in a row and get rid. I wouldn't waste my time going to the restaurant........ I would however pack his bags and have the locks changed whilst he enjoys he's fancy lunch. I would then get the girls round or head out till he is back to his bags on the doorstep.

So I confronted him and he said trust works both ways and that clearly I was checking up on him. And he said “she’s merely a friend and nothing further would happen”

Come on now... surely you're not going to fall for that are you? He's a nasty skank, get rid as soon as you can.

A friend? Of whom he has met once on a lads night out? Must be besties...... and he clearly thinks you're stupid. Put him in the bin @Babe9876

How is she suddenly a friend?

Ditch him

Indeed. It’s ridiculous. He says he would never “cross the line”. He’s now making excuses like she invited him. Etc. I’m pissed off. How do I make it hard for him? He’s still left for work function tonight. Staying overnight but says he’ll be back now tomorrow and not going to lunch.

You have some thinking to do OP and decisions to make. I feel for you it's shit but you need to stand your ground whatever your decision will be and make it known that you will not be treated like this. You deserve better. I know what I would do but that's me and I don't know your personal circumstances etc.

Could you make arrangements for tomorrow and ensure you are out/away for the the night and leave him to stew? Assuming he will be back before lunch?

If it was a private club where beautiful women come up to guys and have drinks with them and sit on their knees it was obviously a lap dancing/ strip club or similar.
And now your partner is going on a private date with one of these women.

Do you really have so little self esteem OP that you are going to let a man treat you like this?

What more do you want to know. He's been caught arranging a date with a woman he met in a 'private club', didn't apologise, In fact he turned it on to you for checking up on him.
He is still going on his work trip and trip to London despite being caught.

He clearly doesn't care so I suggest you take the same approach. Is the house rented or owned? If owned are you on the deeds?

Can you live with him shagging around if it means you can stay in the house/maintain the lifestyle? Some people can.

Does he own the house? You're in a precarious position if you're dependent on him for somewhere to live. Start making plans to move and enjoy life rid of this loser.

He crossed the line when he allowed her to sit on his knee.
He crossed another line when they exchanged numbers.
He crossed another line when he contacted her without telling you.
He crossed another line when he flirted with her.
He crossed the grand bloody canyon when he secretly arranged to meet up in a fancy restaurant.
He crosses line after line each time he hides things from you, minimises the hell out of what he’s doing and outright lies to you.
He’s crossed more lines than a road painter and insulted your intelligence by gaslighting you into a position of doubt about what he is doing.
He met a “beautiful “ woman in a club, let her sit on his knee, took her number, flirted with her then arranged a secret posh lunch.
Trust does go both ways but something felt off and told you to not trust him and check his phone. And look what you found! Ever likely you don’t trust him, he’s relying on your trust to get away with Lord knows what.

You have two choices, tolerate it or draw a big red line of your own. Let him know if he crosses it, you’re done.
Go and join him for lunch. If she’s a friend then he won’t mind and he’ll introduce you to one another with a big smile and be really glad to see you. And then the moon will turn blue, hell will freeze over and a huge herd of flying pigs will be heard lining up on the runway.

Your partner is likely meeting up with a sex worker escort.

Well, if your "private clubs" work like ours.

If you've had sex with him since he went to that club, get STI testing.

If he's been bold enough to tell you he's meeting some woman from a strip club, he has zero respect for you and zero care for your relationship. Prepare your exit. Do you rent or own and do you have kids?

Come on OP, you know what you need to do. Unless your self-respect has left the building, why on earth would you stay with him?

Fuck that

Meeting up with a 'beautiful woman' he met on a night out (and has exchanged flirty messages with) for lunch isn't having lunch with a friend.

It's a date.

This is brilliant. I quoted all these lines you said. They are perfect. He apologised. But my gut feels otherwise….

You're staying with him then?

I could not disrespect myself in this way...

An apology means nothing without actions @Babe9876 and ot should also mean that it will never happen again. An apology means that he fully admits he is wrong and is sorry he did it and sorry he hurt you by doing it.
That lunch shouldn’t happen if he truly admits he is wrong and that it was a terrible thing to do to you.
This woman gets blocked and he never contacts her again is the bare minimum. He commits to transparency and honesty going forward or trust me, you need to get him out. You’ll never get a minute’s peace of mind wondering what he’s up to and that is absolutely no way to live, it will eat you alive until anxiety and suspicion become normal day to day life for you. You deserve better treatment.