Reconnecting with estranged parents worth it?

[ElatedUmberFawn]

I’ve been more or less estranged from my parents for the last ten years, as my dad was abusive (not physically) and my mum enabled it. I was very angry and couldn’t wait to leave home and never look back. As I’m turning thirty this year, I’ve softened somewhat and got back in touch. They acknowledge wrongdoing but don’t exactly want to talk about it, and I don’t really see the point in dredging it up but part of me is still angry. I suffer a lot with my mental health and carry the feeling that my life has no value with me every day. Has anyone been through anything similar? I feel as though I’m starting from scratch - I’ve made all the important decisions in my life on my own, so I don’t need them and there’s obviously a lot about them I don’t agree with. I suppose I’m asking has anyone been in a similar situation, and was it worth persevering?

No. Don’t go back. They have not apologised nor importantly have accepted any responsibility for their actions.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

i would consider seeing a therapist re your parenting you gave not already done so. Remember it’s not your fault they are like this and you did not make them that way. They had a choice when it came to you and they chose the same old what was done to them. Have a look at and consider posting on the current well we took you to Stately Homes thread on these pages.

I think OP if they don't want to talk about their past behaviour then the hurt and anger that prompted you to cut contact with them in the first place will fester and will grow in importance in your mind again until it obliterates anything positive that you are obviously looking for by reinstigating contact.

OP. Please listen to everyone here telling you it most likely won't work out well, invest that time you are considering wasting on them, invest it in seeing a therapist. If they cannot apologise or understand and acknowledge what they did to you, they never will.

They will continue to damage you. They are flawed and haven't done the work to fix themselves, not even with a whole decade to do it. You can't do the work for them, and if you try, you will feel as shit as you always did because they just don't have the capability to be the parents you want. There will be reasons for that, but it's not your responsibility to fix it.

You deserve better parents, but I know very well myself that we often don't get what we need and deserve. I'm very sorry ❤️

Ps. That sounds bleak. But honestly, living for yourself, loving yourself eventually, getting therapy and investing in your self is SUCH a positive outcome for you. You deserve happiness. Focus on you.

I am NC with my mum (no other family, they’re all dead). The question for me would be (1) have they changed, properly taken accountability for what they did wrong and fixed it? and (2) do you actually enjoy them? Does seeing them bring happiness to your life? Or are you just doing it because you think you should or maybe it wasn’t really so bad and you could just tolerate them now?