What helps siblings stay close into their teens and adulthood?

[Tuckas]

If you’re close to your siblings, or your teen/adult dc are close
What do you think has helped?
What did your parents/you do to encourage that?

Well, I’m close to my brother and sisters, and it was moving out of the family home that did it. Suddenly having to make times to see each other rather than always being in the same home, quarrelling.

I can tell you what not to do based on my experience with my siblings.

Don't compare the children to each other. They are individuals and are not in competition with each other for your love. Spend time individually with each child to reinforce this.

Don't insist that you must do everything as a family. If one child likes a particular activity and the other loathes it, then let the loather stay at home while you do the activity with the other. On the other hand, think of some activities that the whole family generally does enjoy so you can spend time together.

Tbh there's nothing that you can do to make them friends/get on, though there's plenty of things that can harm a sibling bond.
Whether they get along or not will depend on their personality and whether or not you pick a favourite or treat them both fairly

Support. Shared bad childhood experiences perhaps? My sister has been there for me through some terrible times in my adult hood. I’ve sort of been there for her too but she’s not needed me like I needed her. My brother was treated vastly better than us as children and thinks he is gods gift to mankind and I’m no contact with him. I have other siblings I get on on with who don’t have these shared experiences and we just didn’t build that strong bond

Well, my kids fought from morning until night when younger.

But, now one lives in the US and one here, and they’re close in every way. They travel back and forth if one needs support.🤷‍♀️

I’m not sure there is a secret code to make it happen….I’m very close to my DSis. Along with DH she’s my best friend and we’ve been close ever since I left for uni. We got on like normal siblings when we were young - basically loved each other and would stick up for each other against other people but argued and bickered like anything when we were kids. As teens we got on ok considering the hormones and three year age gap but once I left home we became super close. Maybe the fact that we went through a big trauma together in our teens (sudden death of a parent) drew us closer in having that shared experience but obviously I don’t know what we’d have been like without that. It was one of us leaving home that ironically made us close.

Anyway, we’ve been each other’s cheerleaders, listening ears and ‘I’m dropping everything and on my way’ ever since. I’m the first person she calls in a crisis (including an infamous occasion when she called me before the ambulance 🤦‍♀️😅!) and she’s the person I turn to when I need to verbally process something at great length! We’re very different personality-wise but have a shared worldview and are on the same page when it comes to family, what input is needed with elderly relatives etc. We are very much a team when it comes to supporting our mum. I think even our mum is surprised at how close we are though and she certainly gave no indication when we were growing up that she was doing anything to try to make it happen.

I think there are so many different variables which can make it work or not work.

I’m not sure how or why myself and my siblings are close, we just are, we all have age gaps so I suppose we do make efforts to keep updated with each-other as we are in different stages in life but I have so much fun with them!

We are also close to aunts/grandparents/cousins so it is part of our family dynamic I guess.

I trust all 4 of them with my life but also they are still really fucking irritating tbh sometimes 😂

Parents not showing/playing favourites. Showing unconditional positive regard to all your children. My dad has blatant favourites but my mum didn't and we were never in competition with each other as a result. Never compare them, never scapegoat.

I think you have to like each other and would possibly have got on if you met and they weren’t your sibling. You need things in common (interests &/ values etc).

Parents not having a clear favourite/least favourite probably helps too.

Don't be a shit parent with favourites is probably number one. Possibly have more than two children because the people I know who have a more complicated relationship with their siblings are all one of two. The larger families all get on much better, I think it's something to do with outnumbering your parents which makes your relationships with each other more important growing up than your relationships with your parents (assuming good enough parenting so not getting fucked up more than average).

Like most, I don't think there is a secret formula.

Mine fought A LOT when they were little, and even not so little, but they get on incredibly well as adults.
I do think it helps to encourage them to have their own interests and, with most siblings, I suspect it helps when you no longer have to live together / share a bedroom / share a bathroom / etc.

I wanted nothing to do with my younger DSis as kids, & our parents didn’t push it, just insisted on basic kindness & manners. Nor, thank fuck, did we have to share a room because I don’t think our relationship would have ever recovered.

Like several PPs, we started to get on better once I’d left home & now we’re really close. We even go on holiday together.