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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to leave a partner who is having a bad time

13 replies

RainyTuesdayBlues · 13/05/2026 09:14

A male friend has asked me for relationship advice, I am poor at this sort of thing and all my own relationships went way past their expiry date because I don't like hurting people.

He's been in a relationship with a woman since September last year, they're both 35. He has no plans to settle down long term, does not want a family, his girlfriend says she doesn't want kids but he's not convinced by this and she keeps asking him to dispense with condoms.

They don't live close to each other but she lives in his old uni town that he goes to several times a month, he sees her for a few days most weeks and has told her he's no plans to move there.

He thinks the relationship has run its course and was just about to end it when she had a health scare which turned out to be nothing but then her sister was diagnosed with a terminal illness and expected to die within 6 months. He felt too bad to leave and thought he'd stick it out.

Hes now realising that there will be further events that make it hard to leave - sisters death, then mourning, then christmas, then her birthday, etc, etc. He also thinks she does want kids and he's wasting her time.

So, what does he do? I'd imagine she knows how he feels unless she's really distracted, he's already seeing her less than he used to and no longer stays at her house if he's visiting friends rather than her. I wonder if he's hoping she'll dump him.

Does he just tell her and leave? Will there ever be a good time?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 13/05/2026 09:16

Does he just tell her and leave?

Yes.

Will there ever be a good time?

No.

TalulahJP · 13/05/2026 09:17

there will never be a good time. respectfully dump and move on.

category12 · 13/05/2026 09:19

Crikey, he should let the poor woman go.

At least then she can get over it and then focus on her sister rather than wasting her emotional energy on him.

MaryBeardsShoes · 13/05/2026 10:48

He should stop thinking of her as being his “partner” for a start.

Just man up and get it over with. Poor woman!

UpDownAllAround1 · 13/05/2026 11:24

Ask him if he’s hoping she’ll dump him

ScorpionLioness79 · 13/05/2026 14:00

Most people would want to deal with temporary upset than to continue bonding with someone who is playacting. I know I'd want a bf to leave ASAP if he no longer wanted to be with me.

jackstini · 13/05/2026 14:05

He should break it off asap

There is no future and it’s unfair for him to be wasting her time that she could be spending with her sister at this point

Gettingbysomehow · 13/05/2026 14:06

Just leave now.

category12 · 13/05/2026 14:08

ScorpionLioness79 · 13/05/2026 14:00

Most people would want to deal with temporary upset than to continue bonding with someone who is playacting. I know I'd want a bf to leave ASAP if he no longer wanted to be with me.

Yes, 6 months down the line or longer, she'll be that much more invested in him and thinking he's in it for the long haul.

It's cruel if anything to drag it out.

ForTipsyFinch · 13/05/2026 14:51

He needs to put his big boy pants on and stop messing around. Yes he needs to just end it and stop stringing her along. What a wet blanket.

Sodthesystem · 13/05/2026 14:57

Just a note op, be careful this isn't him setting you up to be played against this other woman.

It sounds like a boundary testing conversation on you.

You also mention you keep people longer than you should. So guarantee - there will be sharks that know this swimming around you.

His move could be laying the ground work for a set up of a narcissistic triangulation tactic. Setting things up for "oh she won't leave me alone" whilst he pursues a relationship you. So you always feel you are competing against another woman.

Just telling you to be careful, if this is in any way a romantic relationship.

Because be real, when do men ever, ever ask women for advice on women they are sleeping with? They generally don't.

The bad ones however, commonly tell women about how badly they are treating another woman, to see where her boundaries are. Is she affronted? Does she call them out? Or does she try to see things from their perspective even though they are behaving like dicks?

Be careful you don't end up with another "relationship I should have ended much sooner" in your life.

Bristolandlazy · 13/05/2026 14:58

Is he going to listen to what you tell him to do?

RainyTuesdayBlues · 13/05/2026 21:00

Thanks for all the replies, sorry I couldn't pick up earlier.

Now I read it back it's just obvious, what other solution is there?

Will he listen to me? Oddly he often does but it's probably about wanting to shift responsibility, it'll be my fault if he regrets it.

I think I'll tell him he's being selfish, wasting her time and energy to avoid looking like the bad guy. I do hope she dumps him, I'm sure she can do better.

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