Alcoholism and a relationship.

[Roxana76]

Hello, I'm new here. My DD is 21! Anyway, I'm looking for some guidance as to how to leave a relationship gracefully.
My ex and I were so close. We're both alcoholics but the difference is that he stopped drinking 4 years ago and I still do. He's been so patient - but when I was in the hospital recently he contacted me to say that he had a new, non-alcoholic girlfriend. She's older than I am but in his words "I don't have to worry about what state of mind she's going to be in." I get that. But in future what can I do?

Does your DD live with you?

If he's your ex and he has a new GF, the relationship is already over. What exactly is your question?

What does your daughter have to do with this? You’ve mentioned that she is 21, but then started talking about your ex partner. What’s the link and why is your daughter involved?

About the rest of if. Your ex partner has a new girlfriend… so? That’s generally what happens. He’s been kind to let you know, since you still use him for support. And he’s also hinted a bit there that he is happy because this girlfriend doesn’t give him worry and maybe doesn’t need as much support. I think he is telling you that he can’t be your personal support person anymore. It is very very difficult to be there for an alcoholic who won’t stop drinking. And he is your ex. You are not his responsibility. You need to let him move forward and be happy, and you need to work on yourself and find other avenues for support because he cannot provide that.

If you want a functioning relationship in the future then I reckon you need to work on your addiction. What support do you have?

I think OP just mentioned her daughter's age because she assumes MN is largely mums of babies and small kids?

I think he’s already left, sorry

I think you need to focus on stopping drinking and living your life better for yourself, your health and your dd. Engage with what help is available and learn to enjoy a sober life.

Blokes/relationships can wait.

You ask, "what can I do"? The answer is nothing but wish him well and let him get on with his life. Your issues are not his to solve, stop leaning on him.

Surely if he's got a new girlfriend, that is the end of the relationship so there's nothing to leave, gracefully or not?

You say you are still drinking, but not how you feel about that. Are you content with your addiction? In which case, your relationships will never be functional but another alcoholic partner is all you can hope for.

If you have a vague intention to stop at some point, you need to get serious about it ASAP. Get help. Go to AA. Make yesterday your last ever drinking day. Healthy relationships will be back on the table once you are sober and of sound mind.

What is it you're asking for help with?