Feelings for another guy whilst married

[Iram96]

Just abit of background. I am 28, been married for 3 years. I am a Muslim, so is my husband. Our relationship is going downhill, if thats the best way to describe it. I feel I am not appreciated enough and even our sex life isn’t what it used to be.

So me and hubby went out on a overnight spa weekend away, and there was a guy (he was single) in the same building as us and we conversed very well even with my hubby being there. I felt some sort of way with this guy and I’ve never had this feeling in a long time. Maybe it was the environment or how I was dressed (fitted dress but still had my headscarf on, I usually dress modest).

The next day, on the final night hubby had an early night as he was tired and I came down to the pool area to find this guy also there, we just started talking mainly about fitness, life in general and I did feel like he was flirting with me and complimented me several times. I’d be lying if I wasn’t in my feels with him. He gave me his number before I left to my room. I couldn’t get him out of my head the whole night. Its been couple of days now and I am wondering if I should just message him and meet up with him, even though knowing I could end up cheating on hubby but I feel passed that point now? Any advice, has anyone been in a similar situation

Throw away that number for God’s sake.

I think this issue is more about your marriage than the other man

Was it an arranged marriage?

Are you at liberty to divorce your husband?

No

I haven’t thought about that, I feel like it doesn’t need to get to that stage especially when I haven’t been married long but I would look bad infront of my family and his so there is pressure on both sides

Do you think your husband and your families would prefer an affair coming to light (planning for the worst) than a divorce?

Would you be prepared to ask them explicitly about this?

This guy knows you're married, presumably he's not and is chancing his arm.

Your marriage might be rocky but don't complicate things by getting involved with someone you really don't know. If your marriage does fail it won't have your infidelity as a root cause.

I understand you feel unhappy and unappreciated but cheating isn’t going to fix any of that, it will be a short and easy distraction which will eventually make you feel worse. How unhappy in your marriage won’t really matter as the fault will fall on you for cheating.

Throw the number away, look back on it as a nice weekend when you felt good about yourself and then decide what you want to do about your marriage. If you haven’t considered divorce then what could you do to improve things?

This is true, I feel like I need to have a conversation with my husband to improve our relationship and then take it from there

Of course not

Yep you are right, i will just make things worse if i contact him because I will end up meeting him

Well your rship will get worse with children
Being so young at 28 with a shit sex and intimacy (not just sex) is sad
An affair isn't the way to go, he will just want sex and you'll end up catching feelings and then get ghosted.

Go for counselling with husband so things can improve or divorce him before you get in too deep with kids

You don’t even need to consult with Allah on this one. You know exactly what you need to do.

Okay, so hopefully now you have realised the extent to which you are playing with fire.

I hope you can sort out the problems in your marriage. But you might need to be honest at least with your husband about what those problems are and how you’re not prepared to put up with a bad marriage.

If you talk to a man in a hotel or bar and you are alone, you are quite likely to be giving him the impression of being after sex.

Do you feel like you haven’t experienced much with men before meeting and marrying your husband?

You could say that but I’’ve never made myself available or put myself out there for obvious reasons. Sex before marriage is not allowed in Islam and you have to dress modestly. But when I don’t dress modestly I do find I get more attention but perhaps no one approaches me because of the Hijab out of respect? Now that I am married, theres a slight regret of not putting myself out there if that makes sense?

Yeah sure. The main reason I asked this is because I worked with a Muslim woman who dressed modestly, wore a headscarf but she had a secret boyfriend who she met after work and at other times, she told me about him. She was young though. I have no idea what happened though, if she married him or he wasn’t suitable for marriage. It’s tricky in your case because you really can’t date and flirt now.