Advice

[Pariss56789]

Hi,I been in relationships for past 8 years, as much as I love him I don't know what to do. He's constantly accusing me of cheating( I never cheated and never will), every time he smells something different in our house he's accusing me of having someone over even tho we have a cameras and he's the only one with access to it, when I take time to answer the phone he's on it again asking who's with me and calling me on video chat and demanding I walk around the house to prove that no one's with me. Every time we argue he's calling me every name under the sun, when I point out he's have done that him self he's asking me "tell me when did I do it". I don't work as I'm taking care of the house and our children, every time we argue he points out that he's the one working,it's his money, house and that I don't bring nothing to the table. If I miss one stupid thing in the house like for example the shoes ain't placed in the right spot he will ask me" what did you do all they if that ain't done". We had spoken about all those things before every time he promises to change but never does. At this stage I don't know what to do

sorry to say but sounds like he is the one cheating

You need to get a job as soon as you possibly can. What work did you do before?

Used to work as a private babysitter

you can’t live like that. He doesn’t sound very nice at all. You deserve better than this. Has it always been like this? Or recently?

First of all, someone that constantly accuses their spouse of cheating with no actual proof or evidence of this, like in your case, means they are usually the ones cheating themselves.

Secondly, what do you bring to the table? You are taking care of his children while he works is what I’m reading. If you was not around anymore he would have to pay a daycare or a childminder to look after them so he can work. So how is what your doing any different to a paid job?

My ex DP was like this, we had a toddler together, he worked and I stayed home to look after the child, it worked out cheaper for us this way, as I’d have essentially been going to work just to pay childcare fees anyway. However, he would call me lazy, a scrounger, etc etc. As you can expect this relationship didn’t last, and we split 5 years ago.

What he’s doing, the cameras, the constant questioning, the video calls, minimizing what you do at home etc. is all abusive. He is abusing you. Is the house bought or rented? Are you on the tenancy or is it just his home? This doesn’t sound like it’s going to work, if anything he will only get worse. I would start looking into getting a house for yourself and your DC and leaving him.

This is abusive - emotional abuse and control. Your best bet is to ring a DV helpline and get a formal plan made for you to safely leave.

Meanwhile, my safety advice for you is to start avoiding him around the house. Be creative - go out, go food shopping when he gets home, get in the bath, take ages putting the children to bed. Really do whatever you can to avoid arguments with him where he gets to call you names. Comply for your safety, avoid conversation, say yes etc - take steps to keep yourself safe.

Your DH is abusive, there are organisations that can help you. Some people on here are very knowledgeable about these organisations, I know there is Woman's Aid.

You have my sympathy, OP and I hope that we can help you to leave your abuser. Earning your own money is an important way to get independence.

What is domestic abuse? - Women’s Aid
Understanding Coercive Control in Abusive Relationships - CAWC
Homepage - National Domestic Abuse Helpline

Is a rented property and I'm on the list,I wish I could do anything for myself when he's back at the house but he doesn't look after the child when I'm cooking or want to take a bath by my self

First of all, someone that constantly accuses their spouse of cheating with no actual proof or evidence of this, like in your case, means they are usually the ones cheating themselves.
He's either cheating or wants to.

It sounds like you are under surveillance in your own home. This is domestic abuse.

I would go somewhere safe and call the Domestic Abuse helpline from another phone not your own (use a payphone or a friend's). He's probably monitoring your calls.

Getting help for domestic violence and abuse - NHS

I think I'd be taking a hammer to all of those bloody cameras for a start.

Leave. He's abusive.

Now I can see that for past years I had lost all my friends, only people I got contacted with is my lil sister and mother, even when I try to go out with them he's always with us if I go shop by my self hes even on phone with me or checking my location. English ain't my first language so naturally I would like for our children to speak English and also my language but he always argues with me about to do apparently there ain't no point for our children to speak the language and get bullied because of the accent

Switch off the location tracker on your phone.

Turning Off Location Services on iPhone (iOS)
You can turn off Location Services entirely or manage them for specific apps.
Open the Settings app on your iPhone.
Tap Privacy & Security.
Select Location Services.
Toggle Location Services to Off and confirm by tapping Turn Off.
(Optional) Scroll down, select an app, and choose a permission like Never or While Using the App.

Turning Off Location Services on Android
You can disable GPS/location tracking completely or adjust app-specific permissions.

English ain't my first language so naturally I would like for our children to speak English and also my language but he always argues with me about to do apparently there ain't no point for our children to speak the language and get bullied because of the accent

Is your partner of the same heritage as you?
For example, if you are from Poland, does he have parents or grandparents who are Polish?

(I'm using Poland but it could be any country. )

Are you from a country with a non-Western culture?