Friend only contacts me for help and ignores my messages

[Tennisplayers]

A friend messaged me recently. She only messages when she wants something. She keeps wanting me to help sort out a budget plan as she lives in her deceased father’s house while they are doing probate. I already helped with a budget plan for bills etc a few months ago so I don’t know why she hasn’t followed it. I don’t know why she doesn’t ask someone else.

I have my own problems now with some health issues and can’t keep giving to people who just drain my energy and not give anything back.

We sent each other a few messages and she has left my message unread since last Monday yet yesterday has commented on one of my boyfriends Facebook posts and they have had a conversation. Whilst I know she is a bit of user I just find her disrespectful she hasn’t replied but has time to chat to my partner.

She been posting photos etc on Facebook too.

I don’t know if our friendship will be the same again as last year a mutual acquaintance lied and told her I said bad things about her when I hadn’t and it was him. He was obsessed with her and controlling. I know it was a form of triangulation to get me out of the picture even though I known her for 20 years and he has only known us for 2 years.

He kept harassing me too and I rang a helpline who advised to block him and call the police if contacts again. I have blocked him but he may also be putting ideas in her head to make me look bad.

I think you need to remove or block her from all methods of contact and just go NC what’s the point in any of this?

Just block the pair of them, or block him & explain to her how you feel.

She's not a friend or your boss. Stop responding to her requests for your free labour.

Keep the other dude blocked too. You've got some toxic friends.

She's not a friend she's a user.
He's just an oddball.

Leave them to their weird drama and focus on your own wellbeing.

It's sad when someone youve known a long time changes and you slowly realise they're in it for what they can get from you. It's hurtful.

But all you can do is face the reality and accept that the friendship has withered. Don't let yourself be used. It's shit for your self respect. Let her go.

Life is too short for this.

I would refrain from contact if this is how the dynamic has always been.

Focus on yourself.

Do you have some other supportive friends?

Don’t waste your time with people like this.She’s not a friend she’s using you

I used to have a best friend and I do miss her. I cut ties with her years ago and sometimes she was really supportive then other times she was defensive and sarcastic and would put me down and did the same to others.

I have other friends who have changed since lockdown and not the same as they used to be. We catch up every few months at a meal but it’s no longer the close friendships we had.

I made friends at Meetup groups years ago but even they don’t want to know after lockdown and have cut everyone else off too.

I feel so sad I don’t have any real friends anymore.

I think it's difficult to make new friends especially as time goes by.

It's a bit like work colleagues - you are friends with people at work as you share that same employment.

I know from experience that once you leave a job, sometimes the friendships don't continue. But in the same breath, some people who you didn't have a lot of contact with will be quite vocal about you not staying touch. Nothing is clear cut.

How old are you? Do you have any special interests that can introduce you to new friendship groups?

@Tennisplayers are you another one suffering from "everyone left after lockdown"? You have my sympathy. It's like everyone either left or went mad. I'm completely sympathetic to the latter, it sent me mad as well, but it's 2026 and I'm still shocked at the massive damage.

You really need to block these two, though - they sound mad and damaging.

You don't need to help her with anything. It sounds like you need to concentrate on looking after yourself 💐