Would you be concerned by small lies early in a relationship?

[AntiAnn]

I’ve been with my boyfriend from December. All going well so far, he’s very attentive and kind but I’ve realised now he told me a few lies at the start. He told me he owns a house before and sold it, he owns his house now but he since said this is the first house he bought and he previously rented. He also said he had been in a few long term (years he said) relationships when really they were under a year.
the things he lied about aren’t really important to me so I have no idea why he would lie about them? I haven’t pulled him up on the little lies yet, I think he was maybe trying to impress me or felt a bit like he had to ‘live up’ to my life experiences…not that I cared really

what would you do about this?

I regard ANY form of lying or deceit a massive red flag. If it were a potential partner of mine, they'd be getting ditched even for white lies. But lying about previously owning a house and lying about length of prior relationships are oretty big things and it is a massive red flag. There's just no need, so you have to wonder why he's lying in the first place. It's often the sign of a perpetual liar that they just get into the habit of it for some insane reason.

The house lie is more of a red flag than the relationship one to me. Why lie about renting, that’s fairly normal. The relationship one may be due to ego and/or embarrassment.

Maybe he did want to impress you. The question is, can you trust what he says going forward? If not, ditch him.

You dont know what else hes lied about. Ive met many liars over the years and the wrek havoc wherever they go.

The little lies build up to big lies, which can (not always) build up into lies so big you don't know what is true or not and your reality shifts (gaslighting).

Why stay with someone who is fundamentally dishonest and has no respect for you? The fact you are questioning makes me wonder why you think you aren't worthy of a decent partner? Ditch him OP, liars are never worth staying for.

The small white lies will keep on coming, the ones you can kind of brush off and move on from as they don’t impact anything either way. He’ll realise that you won’t pull him up on them so they will continue and get more outrageous. Please don’t even entertain him x

16 years ago, I didn’t mind. He was nice and looked very dependable. Now, I got cheated on and having to go through the most painful experience in my life. The pain is so unbearable and I would rather be dead if I can.

As someone else said up-thread the lying over previous relationship status is probably more to do with this stereotype that a man with no previous long-term relationships is immediate red-flag in itself.

I agree. It does feel like they are insulting your intelligence. That they think you are so stupid they can pull one over on you and you are too dim to see it - so they can feel superior. After a while, putting up with it becomes so exhausting, trying to work out what they actually mean/want and it starts to feel really distasteful. Especially when its becomes so transparent. they are impossible to deal with.

I've known at least two spectacular liars in my time. A boyfriend who would lie about everything - mostly simple bragging lies. i think it started as a bit of keeping up with the Jones.. His friends had given him a nickname related to it. I hadn't suspected they were lies at first because who would lie about something so small? He came unstuck with the bigger ones. Facts that sounded made up, ages, or years that didn't gel with previous boasts. It was so hard to have any kind of conversation ... every topic I brought up, he been better, done it better or had a better take on it. Competitive *I'm so superior" lying.. again unnecessary as I wasn't trying to be in competition with him. Dumped.

Second was a distant relative. A method liar who got so into the part that they would create props and literally cry or become furious if challenged as a way of shutting down the questions. Or they'd go further and invent an even bigger off the cuff lie to cement the first story. The eye opener was when they nicked some of my things (not even valuable to anyone else - for props) during a visit and of course lied solidly about it for three weeks before another relative made them return it.

It was the same with both of them. Insecure. Wanted to make out that they were more rich/important/stylish/revered/worshipped than they really were. They really drank the "Fake it til you make it" coolade, but taken to excess. With a big helping of Cheeky F Dom on the side.

A pp said challenge him on some of the obvious lies and his reaction will tell you all you need to know. but even then you may not be seeing the real him. You may not even have met that person yet...
Time to check the Municiple Dump's opening hours

He sounds like a compulsive liar, it's when people just lie like that all the time for no real reason is when I'd be worrying. Lying about small things in a way is worse, it would make you question literally everything that comes out of his mouth.

Ask him why?!

Guess what small lies turn into? Big ones! My ex would look me in the eyes and tell me the sky is green, that didn't end well. You can't trust anything they say. I would end it.

You’ve caught him in small lies, I’m guessing his relationships were short lived because the lies continued

if you lie about little things, you lie about the big things too..

Those are just the ones you’ve found out about - he could have told you many others. There are honest, trustworthy men out there.

Dump him. Can’t stand a liar. He’ll lie to you for the rest of your life together.

They could just be misunderstandings, if he said it was his second house you may have understood it as the second house he had owned, and it could be your opinion on long term relationships are different he thinks his less than year were long term and just agreed he had had long term relationships which you take as longer than two years. I don't suppose either of you remember exactly who said exactly what several months later. He may also have been trying to impress and exaggerating slightly and if you were just casually dating at the time I doubt he was weighing every word for absolute truth, just chatting.

We all lie, but it is the intention behind the lie that matters. If you lie to make a friend feel better about themselves when they have a breakout of spots or a dreadful haircut, that's not done with bad intent or to make the teller of the lie seem better or more impressive in some way. It is an act of kindness.

When you lie to try and impress someone, as you think your BF may have done @AntiAnn that is not a good sign. It suggests that your BF feels so insecure about himself that he would invent owning a house to impress you. That is not just a small lie, that is a massive distortion of the reality of his life because he doesn't feel good enough and that is not a good sign.

Again, the lies about the length of previous relationships are also trying to create a false narrative to somehow impress you or make you feel more comfortable about who he is. You have to wonder why. You also have to wonder what else he has lied about that you simply haven't discovered yet.

We don't all lie.

Yes we mostly do @Bigtrapeze . For most people small lies are used as social lubricant, rather than to represent themselves dishonestly. Do you answer with 100% honesty every time someone asks you how you are feeling? Can you hand on heart say that you never lied by omission to your children about something that you felt they didn't need to know or shouldn't know about?

I try to stay as close to the truth as I can, but I'm never going to say to my friend that yes her psoriasis is really noticeable (when she asks me) because that would undermine her confidence even further. Neither did I tell my DC when they were small that their father had walked out on them because he found having small children really hard work and a massive drag on his social life and couldn't stick to the agreement we made to forgo all others! I omitted all of those truthful details and said that Mummy and Daddy didn't love each other any more, which most definitely was not the whole truth!

hmmmmm. A lie is a lie. Annoying that they are so silly though. I would definitely address them. I’ve been in your shoes and before you know it it’s a little game that you start remembering his stories to them question him later on to see if he’s lying. That’s not healthy. Address them and see if he lies about the lie… that’s when you 1000%% know it’s a no go.