Advice please as trying to work out if I’m wasting my time.
I’ve been with my BF 21 months and we’ve gone from earning the same money and splitting things 50/50 to me losing my job (I now have another job but it pays around £8K less a year than my BF. I had a period of sickness and was off work in receipt of SSP. My employer then let me go. I have a disability and am currently going through the employment tribunal process. My solicitor has told me I have a case. This has and is a stressful situation, but I feel I must pursue it as I’ve been unfairly treated.
Where my BF and myself were going away on holidays etc regularly, I now cannot afford to do this. I have had a few financial emergencies happen too… expensive vehicle repair, building work to finish (which was started before I went off work) and most recently my dog had to have an emergency operation. Insured but a large co-payment.
So I’m asking this question as my BF said when we were first dating we are a partnership, and he had big ideas for us, including when we retire, I won’t need to worry about money and he will take care of us and that he will take me away places.
While I was off work on sick leave I bought a large purchase which my BF said he would contribute towards (50%) and he also said he would pay 50% towards my vehicle getting repaired (as he’s insured to drive it). When it came to this, he didn’t and it’s really annoying me.
I’ve spoken to him about it twice, explaining it feels like a broken promise and he has apologised and said he doesn’t know why he said it. I then told him that I can’t trust what he says now, especially about the future and the reassurance he gave. If he can’t be true to his word now, why would he be in 10-15 years time. He plans to retire in 5 years time and had also said that I won’t be working if he isn’t. I’m 3 years younger and cannot afford to retire.
It’s basically got to the point where we walk past cafes where we’d pop for a drink as I can’t afford to go Dutch. The holidays we had planned now aren’t happening at all as I don’t have the disposable income that I did, but my BF is managing to save. We haven’t been on holiday for 11 months. His outgoings are not as high as mine either as I have a house (and grown up child at home (pays board)) and he has an apartment. He even remarked that he will get his hair cut when he next gets paid in 2 weeks time and in his last pay he had £700 bonus payment. I’m sorry but I am starting to wonder what’s going on. I get my hair done every 6 weeks. He is painfully careful with money.
He also has a problem with my grown up child and their partner and my pets. My recent vet bill was looked at as my choice as I choose to have pets and it’s a risk (which I know) but he referred to them as a luxury. I love my pets and would not be without them. My dog sleeps on the bed… always has and he tolerates this. My dog jumps up to greet him when he arrives and he tells him to get down. It just makes me feel anxious and stressed as my pets are already in a routine… eh sitting on chairs and the sofa etc
My BF really struggles with them and spending time at my house because of them and my grown up child. He has 3 grown up children and I don’t have an issue with any of them. My BF keeps making cynical comments about my child and his partner who are 20 and 21. They both working FT and have just been on their first holiday abroad. I have been nervous and excited about this and all my BF could say was I bet they’ve spent half the day in bed - when the reality has been they’ve been on loads of excursions.
I guess what I had expected is for my BF to take the lead and treat me to the occasional meal, coffee out and maybe a holiday, but since I lost my job and now earn significantly less, I feel like my life has gone on hold.
Any advice is much appreciated - TIA