Dating for a LTR, in your 40s

Callthemojo · 2026-05-09T15:35:50+00:00

Its almost impossible, isn't it? How and where do you go about meeting a compatible 'Mr Green Flag' IRL? Also, as shallow as it sounds, with mutual physical attraction (I don't mean chemistry).

Passionfruit91 · 09/05/2026 16:38

I met an amazing guy on a dating app, we are both in our mid 40s. I literally couldn't fault him, he has been so kind, consistent, loving and decent since day 1 and we are together well over a year now. I did meet a lot of losers before him so I do think I got lucky with him, pretty sure if I hadn't met him he would have got snapped up.
Good luck , there are lovely decent men out there.

Original poster

Callthemojo · 09/05/2026 16:42

Passionfruit91 · 09/05/2026 16:38

I met an amazing guy on a dating app, we are both in our mid 40s. I literally couldn't fault him, he has been so kind, consistent, loving and decent since day 1 and we are together well over a year now. I did meet a lot of losers before him so I do think I got lucky with him, pretty sure if I hadn't met him he would have got snapped up.
Good luck , there are lovely decent men out there.

Which dating app @Passionfruit91? I have used a couple some time ago. How do you look for initial green flags online before meeting in-person?

OP posts:

Itsanewlife · 09/05/2026 16:51

I also met a lovely man in my mid 40s and we've been together five years. Met him on Match. I wouldn't have met someone like him IRL (different background, career etc) and he has been perfect for me. It can happen!

LeekFirst · 09/05/2026 16:56

I am a longtime user of dating apps, mostly for fun rather than a LTR but I'm still picky. My green flags are the following: has a range of clear and well-lit photos, uses full sentences with decent spelling and grammar, doesn't refer to an ex, mentions whether he has children or not, mentions work but not exclusively, has some hobbies that are ones I can see myself living with. Added points for being funny. Instant red flags (for me, ymmv) include anything at all about still recovering from a recent break up, references to drinking/partying a lot, hobbies I don't get on with. I don't even look at anyone who doesn't have photos and a bio that displays some effort.

Itsanewlife · 09/05/2026 18:10

LeekFirst · 09/05/2026 16:56

I am a longtime user of dating apps, mostly for fun rather than a LTR but I'm still picky. My green flags are the following: has a range of clear and well-lit photos, uses full sentences with decent spelling and grammar, doesn't refer to an ex, mentions whether he has children or not, mentions work but not exclusively, has some hobbies that are ones I can see myself living with. Added points for being funny. Instant red flags (for me, ymmv) include anything at all about still recovering from a recent break up, references to drinking/partying a lot, hobbies I don't get on with. I don't even look at anyone who doesn't have photos and a bio that displays some effort.

Sounds very sensible, LeekFirst. I wasn't looking for a LTR, just a little flirtation after a painful breakup, but it turned into an LTR!

I would just add to your list for the OP - don't chat for too long before meeting up. And, for a first date choose a casual coffee and a walk or such rather than a full dinner/evening, as that puts too much pressure and presents fewer opportunities for a polite exit (should you want one). Good luck!

Original poster

Callthemojo · 10/05/2026 10:25

Itsanewlife · 09/05/2026 18:10

Sounds very sensible, LeekFirst. I wasn't looking for a LTR, just a little flirtation after a painful breakup, but it turned into an LTR!

I would just add to your list for the OP - don't chat for too long before meeting up. And, for a first date choose a casual coffee and a walk or such rather than a full dinner/evening, as that puts too much pressure and presents fewer opportunities for a polite exit (should you want one). Good luck!

Show quote history

That's a good tip @Itsanewlife A more formal date does add on pressure for a second date.

I'm unsure what/how much to add on my own bio. There's some parts that might not be quite so appealing! Then again, no one is obliged to match or reach out.

OP posts:

foodlovefood · 10/05/2026 10:41

I met my DP in my 40s on Bumble. Wouldn’t have met him in real life. He is a considerate, kind loving guy. I too had quite a few flings with OLD guys.

I have no advice than just to get out there, don’t talk too long on the apps. But also keep / know your boundaries. I wanted a relationship and got good at weeding out the guys that only want causal. I also didn’t have any tolerance for bad conversation.

my DP was traditional and we went for dinner on the first date, Which was normally something I don’t do. He listened and took me to my favourite place. There was something in texting that made me feel comfortable with this. We talked for hours and the restaurant were getting annoyed as it took so long to order.

Itsanewlife · 10/05/2026 10:56

Callthemojo · 10/05/2026 10:25

That's a good tip @Itsanewlife A more formal date does add on pressure for a second date.

I'm unsure what/how much to add on my own bio. There's some parts that might not be quite so appealing! Then again, no one is obliged to match or reach out.

Show quote history

Yes, better to be honest, even if some bits are unappealing to some. Better to have fewer dates with folks you can see yourself with than a lot of dates with randoms. You don't want to waste time weeding out folks after you've met and spent time with them.

Passionfruit91 · 10/05/2026 11:15

@Callthemojo I met him on Facebook dating, I just got him at the right time to be honest, as he had just joined it after a long marriage. Pretty sure if I had joined a month later, he would have been snapped up. A lot of it is about timing. I never would have met him in real life as he lives and works about 15 miles away.
Green flags were he was just kind, open, wanted to meet within the first week and he was also not pushy or anything like that. I actually thought he was too good to be true and I still feel like that sometimes but it's been 15 months now and he's still the same.
He also brought gifts to the first few dates and he organized and planned what we would do which was so nice and refreshing. I've never met a man as good and loving and kind.
I was worried he was on the rebound and wanted to go out with different women but he doesn't and is looking to the future with me.
I really hope you and every woman in their 40s who is looking for a good man gets one and they are definitely out there but you just might not get it first go, it took me a good few years to find him.

Heraldry · 10/05/2026 11:23

I met my amazing DP walking the dog. We became friends, then close friends, then partners - no rush, just a warmth and connection that was undeniable.

If I was actually looking I’d go to as many village functions as I could, as many evening activities as I could… I definitely wouldn’t be looking online (first husband I met through newspaper ads years ago and wasn’t a good man, and neither was an ex I met online!)