Advice on marriage after moving countries.

[Marquee2go]

I need somewhere to discuss my future, I am totally lost with a way forward and can't discuss with family, and don't really have any close friends.

The situation is that I moved countries over 10 years ago as my DH was headhunted for a job in his home country. Since then we've had 2 children who are now at primary school. I have acquaintances locally but no close friends. Anyway, since the children were born I have realised over time that DH is selfish and ungrateful, he is also away a lot so I do 90% of all child related stuff as well as working. I work 4 days a week. If I worked 5 days a week I would earn more than DH. I am seriously thinking of starting divorce proceedings as he isn't really bringing anything to the family anymore but it seems a drastic step for us all. I don't really want to divorce but I've tried talking, suggested counselling and its gone nowhere. I've had counselling on my own. We don't do anything together as he does his hobbies on the weekend and I'm with the kids. What would you do in my position?

I think we probably need more information - what you've said is just 'selfish', 'ungrateful' and he isn't around a lot. So, it really depends on what the relationship is like apart from the lack of time/child care burden sharing. Do you enjoy spending time with each other when you are together? Does he make you laugh, feel supported, loved? Is he good with the kids when he is there? Are you able to communicate effectively with him? If yes to all these, what you have stated in your post is all fixable. If not, then you need to have a serious conversation with him.

We don't do anything together regularly. When we're both at home he usually sits on his phone unless I ask him to help such as getting the children ready for bed. He only cooks or tidies up if I ask him, otherwise he leaves things and assumes/expects I will do it. We don't go out anywhere unless I organise it.

That sounds unsustainable. I'm sorry for you, OP. Especially if you are in a country that you don't have close friends in, it is pretty isolating and insensitive of him.

He doesn't communicate well with me and doesn't pay attention when I tell him about appointments or plans. I send him calendar invites only because anything else I tell him gets forgotten. I often feel like his mother not his partner.

I would suggest you start getting your ducks in a row, as MN loves to say, and have a serious chat with him - laying out options for the path forward. You sound unhappy and unfulfilled, and if he has no intention of working with you to change that, this isn't sustainable.