How do you cope with a close relative you dread seeing

[ourSusie]

How does anyone cope with a close relative they absolutely dread seeing.
Mine is bloody minded, judgemental combative and I find it exhausting.
Now I’m at the point where I don’t say anything which can be jumped on,
will not be drawn on any subject which might elicit a lecture. I’m quiet,
aquiescent, keep the peace, smile and nod, only to be accused of having
no opinion, ergo there must be something wrong with me, am I depressed.
Well yes, at the moment I am, but I will be fine once you have driven off.

Someone who I find overbearing, who expects me to change complicated arrangements with friends to suit her visits when she has changed her mind
about her own plans and wants me to renage on mine, attempts fait accompli,
actually the more I think of her awfulness the more I am answering my own
internalised questions.

Irl we learn how to navigate combustible difficult relationships/elect to leave
them, ensuring that any hopelessness or misery is not protracted.
This one I cannot leave : I do find it amazing that only three years apart with
same parents and upbringing, we can now be so different.

This is my sibling.
I am NC.
I will not tolerate it, it’s not a relationship, i get nothing from it so I do not interact at all now.

This is my entire family 😅 I have nothing to do with any of them. I would tell this person no and mean it though. If she doesn’t like it she knows what she can do.

I do not communicate with them, by phone, messages or in person. Fortunately, I live sufficiently far away to make the in-person meetings (which usually happen at a mutual family member's house, if they wander in while I'm there) very rare indeed!

Life is much more positive without them featuring in it very often.

Is this your sibling?. Of course you can leave this person behind, you are in no way beholden to them. You and he/she though did not have the same upbringing. This person has learnt that being like they are works for them. Did your parents treat this person with kid gloves and or telling you not to upset them at any cost?.

would not tolerate this from a friend and you do not need to tolerate it from a relative. You need radiators in your life, not drains upon them.

Why are you seeing them at all?

Can you have an agreed list of topics? Or a response that shows you don’t really care but value them as a person?

I have a half sibling that has the complete opposite opinion to everyone else in the family. They’ve cut a lot of people off and it is very difficult to have a conversation sometimes. Luckily I don’t see them In Person often so can ignore some parts.

It’s ok to go no contact if you think it’ll help.

Mine is my MiL. Since DH wont deal with her or cut her off, I made a pledge that I would tell her exactly what I was thinking at any given moment. Last time she shouted at me for the cleanliness of my house, I shouted back that I don't give a f* and she needs to take a day off...

She comes around less now. 😁 So I advocate for a socially unacceptable level of honesty/no filter (if its safe to do so!)

I went NC. Best thing I ever did.

Sounds just like my sister. Hence we don't have any level of relationship and that suits me just fine. We had to be in contact when our Dad was terminally ill and I'm still not quite sure how I'm not behind bars after dealing with her during that time.

Life's too short OP to spend it with people you dislike so much.

I have a family issue which will resolve once my daughter can drive.
I will then never see my sister again. It will have been 17 years from my wish to ignore her, but stayed because of my daughter.

You either cope with it, like I did, for my daughter. Or you can just let it go now. block them. Family respect is earned too. You don't have to bend over backwards if they are not wishing too.

Grey rock or fake breezy and mentally be storing up all the nonsense as a good story for later,

For 25 years, since my Mum died, I have tried to help my aunt. She has always openly favoured my brother. This year I read on here that you can choose guilt over resentment.

I spoke to her for the last time on 17 February. She said something I will never forgive her for. I feel a great sense of relief that I will never be irritated or upset by her again.

I think life is too short to put up with this. They bring nothing but stress and unhappiness to you

My only sibling is nothing like this and we still have very little communication because we have nothing much in common.

Tell them you're sick of them and not going to entertain their behaviour any longer. What have you got to lose?

I don’t see them. I suggest you do the same, your life will improve immensely.

I wouldn’t see them. Why would you? You don’t have to play happy families. See your parents another day. I have several family members that I simply will not speak to or be in the same place. If they get invited to a family event, I don’t go. If people want me there, they know better than to invite them. You can stand up for yourself.

thank you all for your kind advice