Do you think men are more approachable with children than women?

[WhatTheHellsGoingOn]

Just that really. I’ve read quite a few threads where women have said their husbands/partners are often approached in the playground at drop off/pick ups by women who barely speak to them, and the same when they take their kids to the park - women who don’t know the dads will approach them to start a conversation, usually about the kids, but this doesn’t seem to be done as much with other women.

I was wondering if this is fairly common, as it has been in my own experience with my partner - women gravitate to him and initiate conversation a lot more than they do me (I don’t have RBF lol).

Is this a thing, or would you say it’s equal, or more likely women will approach other mums they do not know to start a chat?

All the mums at the parks around here chat to each other so I'd say that was far more common.

I do chat to the dads too on the rare occasion there is one. I'm definitely not trying to tempt them away from their wives, if that's what you're getting at.

I definitely get spoken to more as DH has the ultimate resting bitch face 😅😅

No that’s not what I’m getting at or I’d have written that in my OP. Thanks for your reply. If there are mums there with them then I wouldn’t expect other women to approach their OH’s and blank them, it was more if men are out alone with their children, it seems they get more conversation initiated by mums - especially if the children are very young (toddlers and babies).

I don’t know whether this relates to unconscious stereotyping that they must be great dads bc they are looking after their own children solo…

😂

I think those threads are usually by posters who see ‘exclusions’ everywhere, tbh. Or the thread is about some imaginary ‘emotional affair’ their Nigel is having with the Alpha Mummy who is friendly to him but blanks the OP.

I can’t say I really make an effort to chat to dads, though I might be more inclined to talk to mums. I’d really rather not talk to anyone.

I think though that it’s quite common for a dad to be the only man in a space filled with mums and kids. I think there are certain mums (the ones more friendly than me 😂) who will talk to a lone dad because they don’t want him to feel weird and like some creepy guy with all the ladies and kids.

If there is a group of mums who you know and all know each other, and a dad, it’s also easier to make small talk with the dad than to bust into the existing social group. Dads also don’t want to keep talking for an hour and exchange numbers and be your new bestie, so probably a safer bet for women who don’t want to socialise but feel weird standing there talking to no one.

I can definitely vouch that between Dh and I, Dh is definitely way more approachable and if I was awkward about the school gate, I’d probably rather talk to him than me too. 🤣

No. Can see there is a back story to this

I was a single father for many years. The only mothers who talked to me in the school playground were those of my DCs' friends.

Out and about in public playgrounds etc it was incredibly rare for a random woman to come over and talk to me.

Thanks for your comment, do you know if your dad friends had similar experiences?

I see what you mean but maybe not exactly, whenever my ex use to take the kids out he’d say people would approach him to tell him what a great dad he was (funny as he barely saw them) but I never get approached by anyone to say what a great mum I am 🤣 but that’s probably a bit different to what you mean. But I did find it funny that he said people would always come up to him

Not really, just what I said about mums talking to my partner more. I also read an article recently where a man was saying how men never or rarely receive compliments compared with women, but he cited getting them when approached by women when he was out with his children, so I guess that also sparked this question for me.

No this is what I mean - I mean in any context really. It just seems that men alone with kids will get talked to by women they’ve never met more regularly than women alone with their kids, but I just wanted to see what others thought. Bloody infuriating when they win father of the year for taking them up to the park in comparison with all the physical and mental labour the mums most likely have but this is the reality sadly

No this is what I mean - I mean in any context really. It just seems that men alone with kids will get talked to by women they’ve never met more regularly than women alone with their kids, but I just wanted to see what others thought. Bloody infuriating when they win father of the year for taking them up to the park in comparison with all the physical and mental labour the mums most likely have but this is the reality sadly

Other way round here, I did most of the school pickups and only talk to a couple of people, then we started splitting them and my OH talks about all the conversations with other parents and knows a lot more.
Maybe I have the wrong face or what, but it could happen the other way!

From what I remember at the time the general consensus from my male friends was that when they were out with their DCs and without their wives/partners, women were much more likely to view them with guarded suspicion than as a target for conversation.

To put it another way, how many random men with kids have you ever approached?

I suspect your ex was wildly exaggerating.

Also I think men with kids in tow are viewed with far less suspicion than those without. I did have a lot more conversations with strangers once I had a little one in tow, it was like being back up north again in some ways!
It really came to mind when one day I'd literally dropped my child at pre school and I had to go to the main office for a meeting so I was still in child brain mode, then I said something to a lady waiting and she looked pretty uncomfortable and turned away, and I realised it was because I didn't have my child with me at that moment so I wasn't safe to talk to. So perhaps people are just depleted on conversations with men and take any opportunity to get the quota up!

Only he wasn’t as kids confirmed it so sorry to disappoint 🤷‍♀️

That’s interesting - I wonder why they’d treat them with guarded suspicion.

If a man has looked a bit uncomfortable or it’s a setting where every other adult has someone to talk to while the kids do an activity I may make a comment to initiate conversation if he would like that, as I’d feel bad for them, but I’d do this with a woman too.

A depressing number of men will see a woman engaging them in conversation as an invitation to try to chat them up. From what I can gather from female friends and endless posts on this very website, this makes a lot of women reluctant to approach random men.

Fair enough. Weird that you think that would somehow disappoint me. I might as go as far as "mildly surprised" if that makes you feel better 🤷

Thanks. It’s really interesting to get the different perspectives. Whenever I’ve taken my kids to various things and there’s a lone dad with a toddler he is almost always taken under various wings and approached or someone initiates conversation with him. Not always. I guess bc there are a lot fewer dads at these settings they tend to stand out so you notice them more and who interacts.

I agree with you, dads are somehow viewed as less of a threat, despite the high number of violent/deviant men who have also fathered children (and can be living as a seemingly happy family) there are out there.

I think it depends on the person…

I had this conversation with my toddlers mother, and we drew the conclusion that I had a lot more interactions with strangers at both nursery pick ups and drop offs and also when out and about in general with our daughter.

But I also had that (to a lesser degree) before we had a child, so… I think I just look friendly and unthreatening.

Most of the dads at our park act like they're too cool: sunglasses on, phone out. I talk to the normal engaged ones who sit in the sandpit. I don't talk to the too cool mums either, but they're probably only a ¼, vs ¾ of the dads.